The Iruka Drabble Dumping Ground
by koukatsukoneko
Summary: Series of oneshots/twoshots which all take place in different universes. Umino Iruka is the central character. Usually Kakashi is there too. Drabbles are all different genres - angst, fluff, humour, PWP, etc.
1. War! What is it good for?

These are just little drabble-oneshot-thingies that randomly came into my head. They're AU, usually. Most - if not all - of them are about Iruka, or have him as a central character. Sometimes (read:usually) with Kakashi. Doing naughty things. With strawberries, ice cream and butterscotch...okay, that particular scenario may not ever come up, but I like the visual. Kakashi's all tied up and Iruka looks sorta manic...mmmm, butterscotch-nin...

_(Experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.)_

..mmm..sorry. I think I had a sugar-yaoi overload from the mental image, and then I had to clear up all the blood and drool. Basically what I want to say is, there might be no yaoi in any of these drabbles - (HIGHLY unlikely), there may only be fluff - (possible, but not probable), or there may be enough limes and lemons to make your mouth look like your grandma's cat's asshole (.. it _is_ a good image, isn't it?). And that, -face it- is what we all want, and are probably going to get.

_**BUT! You can't bitch to me if its not what you want. I swear to God, I will do something very nasty to you with hot sharp pointy things and a hairbrush if I get comments like EW THEYR TOLATLLY NOT GAYS OKY? LIEK GROWSS!!1!!11! Get it into your head. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK. AT ALL.**_

And now that my little threatening!Ibiki-style session is over, I will move on to the porn.

I mean, the story.

_(Hitai-ate:Headband)_

...

Konoha was at war.

Konoha was in ruins.

Konoha was dying.

Umino Iruka stood on a precipice and stared at the battlefield. His lungs drew in deep, solidifying breaths, each one telling him he was still alive, unlike the thousands of corpses below. The birds above him wheeled in concentric circles. It looked quite pretty, really, until you realised that they were carrion crows. The wind blew and he shifted uncomfortably, aware of the heaviness of the stares on his back and the lightness of his weapons pouches and then the fact that the shape in his arms was oddly weightless in itself. His mind spent a few slow seconds pondering this and then wrenched itself away to the question at hand.

Were these friends or foes?

He could feel a slow trickle of blood inching its way down behind his left knee.

There was a crackle of twigs behind him. He turned slowly -so slow, why was everything he did so _slow?_- and stared at the other man. He took in the man's Leaf _hitai-ate_. It didn't register properly, and probably wouldn't for a few minutes or so. He watched the man's lips move, and his hand rise to point at Iruka, or perhaps what he held. The words didn't register either.

"Iruka-san? Is that who I think it is?"

The other man stepped forward slowly. Iruka knew -funny how this information came to him when nothing else would- that he was moving slowly so as to not spook him. Because if Iruka got frightened then he might step back, and if he did that then-

No. He'd promised himself he wouldn't think about that.

Suddenly the fact that the man was not an enemy hit him like a ton of bricks and Iruka dropped, light with relief and the knowledge that he didn't have to run anymore. Surprisingly, he was caught before he hit the ground. Strong hands lifted him bridal-style and soon Iruka was being cradled just like he was cradling the body in his arms. Other hands reached in to pull it away from him, but Iruka clung tight. He couldn't just let go - what would happen if he did?

Eventually the man holding him must have told them to leave him alone because they all backed off. There was a sense of motion and Iruka could see treetops above him. The movement and the blurring of his sight from the speed they were travelling at was too much for him and he decided to focus on something closer.

The shirt that the man who was carrying him was wearing looked odd. It was ripped and torn around the throat, but it didn't look any shorter than a regulation shirt.

The man who was carrying him looked odd too. Iruka was positive that he knew his name, but it wasn't coming to him. He squinted up at the man, studying his face. A long nose - broken more than once, it wasn't quite straight - quite high cheekbones, thin lips and an eye patch. The hood obscured everything behind the headband, and stubble covered the chin. The face was rather good-looking, Iruka decided. Not stunning, but not too bad either. The one eye that he could see slid down to look at him.

"Are you wondering why I'm not using the headband to cover it?"

Iruka had no idea what he was talking about. Before he could say something - too slow, _again_ - he was overridden by the man's answer.

"On the field I kept sliding it on and off over it"-_what?_-"and it would get so loose it fell around my neck. So I used an eyepatch instead."

Iruka must have looked really confused, because the man grinned at him and said,

"Well, the Sharingan can't be left switched on all the time. I'd run out of power!"

Iruka just had time to think _he speaks like he's a machine_, when suddenly it clicked. He stared, shocked, at the one face he had known all his life he'd never see.

There was one final swish of air across Iruka's ears, then silence. He felt himself be propped against a tree, his tired legs bent at the knee, forming a sort of cocoon around her body. He listened, eyes closed, to the _taku taku_ of sandals on stone, then a zipper going, and a rustle as someone climbed into a tent. Quiet murmurs reached his ears, then someone else tried to lift her from his arms. He wrapped himself tighter around her, curling his shoulders inwards.

_No. Mine. _

"Hey. Brat."

There were only two people in the world who called him that, and - he uncurled slightly and cracked an eyelid - both of them were standing in front of him. His lips moved, but he hadn't spoken in days, maybe longer, and nothing came out. Someone else pressed a glass to his lips and he swallowed thirstily, feeling drips escape over his parched lips to run down his throat like the blood had down his leg. He attempted to acknowledge the two in front of him again.

"Ibiki-san. Hokage-sama."

The Godaime Hokage gazed down on him irritably-fondly.

"Thought we'd lost you, brat. Ibiki was awfully worried about you."

Iruka's eyes slid incredulously to his almost-big-brother. _Ibiki? Emotions? Never._

"Hrn," said Ibiki indistinctly, staring off to one side. _See?_ Iruka had an insane urge to grin.

Tsunade crouched down to be at Iruka's eyelevel and said carefully, "You need to let her go now, Iruka."

She then watched as Iruka's hands went white-knuckled and his pupils dilated.

"No. Can't._ Won't_. He asked me to take care of her. I can't let her go, I can't, I-"

She leaned forward, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "Oh, Iruka. I'm so sorry."

He never saw the nerve-pinch coming.

...

Annnnd.. I have no idea where I was going with that one. It's up to you to decide who "she" and "he" are.(Tell me in your reviews!!)

Mmm..I like confused!shellshocked!Iruka. I think I'll keep him. Also, Kakashi maskless!! Who else thinks that its only gonna happen when he dies?

That's quite enough for today, children. Time to pack your things!  
Hopefully I'll be back, with my ellipses...-dashes!!- and run-on sentences of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! (Also, probably too much _italics_ and exclamation marks!!1!!1!)

Polite critique is preferred, please. If you don't like something, please tell me why, awrite?


	2. Lather, rinse and repeat

Inspired by kinky-chichi's art at Dev : The earlybird catches the Worm. Go look at it! It's sexy.

There is strong language in this chapter. About sex.

Just so you know.

_LatherRinseRepeat_

It was just another day. Umino Iruka rolled out of bed to the distinctly unmelodious noise of his alarm clock. Padding through his apartment, he leaned into the kitchen to turn it off. Having the thing in his bedroom hadn't worked out too well - he'd lost count of the amount of times he'd almost been late to school after waking up to an alarm clock skewered on the wall with a kunai..

Shivering in his cold bathroom, he reached out and turned his shower on, deciding to brush his teeth while he waited for the water to warm up. He applied the paste to the brush and scrubbed vigorously. Leaning down and spitting into the sink, he decided to wash it away when he was done with his shower - the damn thing took long enough to heat up without him messing with it.

However, all these decisions were in vain, due to the fact that when he turned back to the shower, the water was not only still cold, but also running a dirty brown colour. Iruka stared for a second, then switched it off resignedly. He'd have to go to the baths. He knew he should have showered last night.

_LatherRinseRepeat_

In a ninja village, the baths never really close. The best thing for many nin after coming back from a horrible mission was to go and soak somewhere quiet. Kakashi stretched luxuriously - he loved going to the baths, and the mission he'd just been on practically demanded a visit. Stripping lazily, he folded his clothes and set them into a locker. Nobody would be here - it was five am! Nobody sane was awake at five am, he reasoned, and so strolled through into the baths without a towel.

The steam rose from the water invitingly and he soaked for a good twenty minutes, moving only to stretch various cramping muscles and yawn. He was tired, but also full of energy - typical mission mode, filling him with adrenaline but sapping his chakra. It would take him at least half a day to rid himself of the feeling, and then he'd sleep all night and most of the next day and be late meeting his team. _Couldn't have planned it better if I'd tried,_he thought. Finally rising, he entered the shower room to wash properly. His hair, normally so gravity-defying and spiky, was flattened to his skull by the force of the water. He'd only just begun to scrub down when he felt someone enter the room, a gently flickering curl of chakra sweeping down the side towards the bench opposite. The other was apparently ignoring him, and that was fine by Kakashi. It was probably nobody he knew anyway.

_LatherRinseRepeat_

There was someone else here! Someone else awake at five am! Iruka was almost excited. _Someone else! I thought I was the only one awake at this time in the morning.._Iruka peered over his shoulder at the other nin - the strong chakra signature informing him that it was probably a jounin or even ANBU - in an attempt to see if he knew who it was. _We can be 'five am' buddies! _Then -_ The early hour must be affecting my brain._

The other man was strong, Iruka noted, with plenty of muscle and scarring showing that he protected his village often. As he scrubbed his at his long hair he wondered who it was - he was sure he recognised the chakra, but he couldn't_ quite_ place the face.

__

Oh.

OH.

No. That's impossible.

He took another peek over his shoulder, pretending to massage his scalp - the other had turned around and was seated on the bench beneath the shower, scrubbing every inch of himself - and Iruka could_ see_ every inch - with a blue washcloth.

__

It might be him. Maybe.

__

...but there's only one way to know for sure.

LatherRinseRepeat

Kakashi scrubbed hard at a spot of dirt that wouldn't come off. It refused to budge. It -

''Ah - I think that's a bruise. If you're trying to get it to come off."

He looked up. The other ninja he'd felt come in was standing there, and Kakashi realised he _did_know this ninja. It was the one who'd protested at the chuunin exams - his name was something to do with water..

"Um. Can I borrow that?"

He was pointing at the conditioner. Kakashi's conditioner. Kakashi stared at him.

"...please?"

He could see the other man was uncomfortable with his close scrutiny, but Kakashi just kept staring. _He looks good with his hair down. He should keep it like that._

Close on the heels of that thought was a decidedly more X-rated one, about the other man's possible facial expressions while being bent over a table and fucked to within an inch of his life. Kakashi grinned. His inner pervert would never die.

''You can have it.''

With a grateful grin, the man reached for the bottle. Kakashi's hand touched his wrist and he felt the man freeze in position, his hair hanging dripping over his shoulder and back.

''If you tell me your name."

_LatherRinseRepeat_

Iruka couldn't have set it up better! He'd thought he was going to have to try really hard, but here they were, already on the subject of names! It was a glorious day - _I'm spending too much time with Lee. Waaaaaaaaay too much._

"I'm Iruka. Umino Iruka."

__

Please oh please oh please tell me your name. Please.

"Ah, yes."

_No. That is not the response I'm looking for. You're supposed to say "And I'm Hatake Kakashi, ninja sex-god."_

"But in me lending you my conditioner - my very own, one of a kind brand - you see, what I want to know is, what am I going to get out of it, apart from knowing your name? "

__

Wait. This could be going somewhere.

"What do you mean?"

Iruka was cold. The water that had heated him was now beading over his skin, chilling him. He could feel himself getting goosebumps, and he shivered, muscles pulling tight in an attempt to warm him. The man watched interestedly, his silver hair covering his one closed eye. Iruka looked up, catching the flicker of a stare over his body and blushing.

__

Who cares who he is. He's GORGEOUS.

"Ah..jounin-san?"

His shower chose that second to switch off with a metallic clunk, causing them both to start. He stood with a grunt, meaning Iruka had to either step back or end up with a faceful of ninja.

__

Not a bad thought, that.

However, Iruka politely took a step back, allowing the other man his space. The moment was broken - he was handed the conditioner bottle with no more than a passing "here", and as he combed it through his hair, he felt vaguely cheated somehow.

_Something could have happened there. **Should** have happened._

_LatherRinseRepeat_

As Iruka washed the last of the soap out of his hair, Kakashi dressed.

_"..Jounin-san."''_

__

He had no idea who I was. And if he had known I wouldn't have had a chance with him, because he STILL hates me from that stupid argument. So stop thinking about doing things to him, brain. Stop right now.

He froze in the act of pulling on his gloves as he felt that soft touch of chakra enter the room and cross to the opposite side. He turned just in time to see Iruka bend over to put something down, wearing nothing but a small towel around his waist. Kakashi swallowed.

__

STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. STOP BEFORE I GO OVER THERE AND MOLEST HIM.

__

..Please stop thinking about me molesting him..

Kakashi felt his cheeks heating under the mask and he shifted uncomfortably in his trousers. He heard Iruka cross the room towards him, his now-sandaled feet making a sharp noise on the tiled floor.

"Ah..jounin-san?"

Kakashi winced a little, and turned his head.

"Hmm?"

He saw Iruka's eyes widen, and he cursed himself.

__

He's gonna recognise you now, stupid. Who else wears a headband like that?

"Um, thanks for your conditioner. Um."

__

He ums and ahs even more than that Hyuuga girl. Wonder what he wants...probably to punch my face in. He can't have missed the looks I was giving him in there.

"Um. That _is _you, isn't it, Kakashi-san?"

Another wince.

"..Yeah."

"Oh."

__

That's it? No screaming? No teacher voice? No 'How could you have looked at me like that?'

__

..He's blushing.

Kakashi watched as Iruka sat down at the other side of the room again, winding bandages around his thigh. His fingers were long and thin but deft, and they made quick work of the task. He was still shirtless, and Kakashi kept watching as he stood again, turning and fetching his shirt and flak jacket.

__

I want him.

__

I really, really want him.

__

Ah, what the hell. He hates me anyway.

He strode across the room. Iruka turned sharply to face him and stepped back with a gasp as Kakashi got a little too close for comfort.

_He's blushing again, _Kakashi noted as he leaned in, mask tucked down around his neck. Iruka's breath was minty, like he'd brushed his teeth not long ago, and his lips were softagainst Kakashi's. Iruka made a quiet noise that sounded like desperation and his lips parted, allowing Kakashi free access. One hand slid around Iruka's neck, tangling into his still-damp hair, the other pressed against the cool plaster of the wall, stopping Kakashi from doing any more, from going too far too fast.

The kiss ended slowly, with delicate presses of lips and a trace of tongue over Kakashi's bottom lip. He pulled away slightly, reveling in the sight before him - Iruka's upturned face looked almost beatific, his closed eyes and long lashes that brushed his cheek. His lips were still parted, and Kakashi smiled a little, because damn if this wasn't the best view he'd ever had.

He leaned back properly, and watched Iruka's eyes open. Another blush slid onto the younger man's face, highlighting the scar there and causing him to duck his head slightly. Kakashi reached down and picked up Iruka's clothes, handing them to him with another little smile, which widened as he watched Iruka's blush darken and spread down his neck.

Iruka coughed, embarrassed, and his eyes averted from Kakashi's grinning face. Suddenly he gave a loud yelp and began tossing his clothes on quickly. Kakashi stepped back, turning to see what had caught the sensei's attention, and noticed the large clock on the wall, which read 6:15.

"School starts at half past seven - I need to be there for half six to set up-" Iruka explained hurriedly, throwing his towel into his bag and quickly following it with his shampoo and comb.

Kakashi kept grinning. He tugged his mask up over his nose and pulled his sandals on, just in time to follow Iruka out of the room, through the front and into the street. He followed him to the school, too - his nose firmly buried in his porn, Iruka throwing him annoyed glances, but saying nothing -and into his classroom, where he shut the door, sat on a desk and watched as Iruka darted about the room, putting things into place. He especially liked it when Iruka had to bend to get things from lower drawers, his regulation navy-blue trousers stretching over a well defined ass.

At 7:25, he slid off the desk, dropped something into Iruka's bag and wandered over to the chalkboard where Iruka was putting that day's lesson. Gripping him by a shoulder, he turned him around and kissed him solidly again, before departing in a burst of smoke.

_LatherRinseRepeat_

Iruka sighed. The day had been hard, and not just because his thoughts kept wandering to Kakashi and his damnably good kisses. The kids had been acting up, and Konohamaru hadn't done his homework AGAIN.

Then he'd gone home, absolutely STARVING because he'd missed breakfast and then lunch too, due to berating Konohamaru and keeping an eye on him through lunch break.

He then looked in his fridge and realised there was nothing there, as he'd neglected to go shopping again.

Iruka kept up a steady litany of muttered complaints about his life as he rummaged through his bag for his wallet. With a growl of annoyance, he tipped the bag upside down and shook it. Everything tumbled out in a rush, and he snatched up his wallet, still annoyed. Sweeping everything else to the side of the hallway - he'd clean it up later - he noticed something there that wasn't his. Picking it up, he stared at the conditioner.

__

But..I gave it back, right?

He had flashes of that morning - the kiss - being late - shoving random things into his bag. It was quite probably when this had made its way back into his possession.

__

I guess I should go give it to him. Not that I'm looking for reasons to or anything. But he's probably looking for it. He probably needs it.

__

Yeah.

Iruka lifted his wallet and the conditioner and decided to stop at Kakashi's on his way to eat.

__

Not that I want to see him as soon as possible. Not at all.

Iruka pouted a little. He couldn't even lie to himself.

He knocked on Kakashi's door and waited a few moments. The door swung open and he was greeted with an extremely tired looking Copy-ninja, who nevertheless appeared to perk visibly once he realised it was Iruka.

"Here," said Iruka abruptly, pressing the conditioner into Kakashi's hand, "I had this in my bag."

He was blushing again, he just knew it.

Kakashi's eye curved, and he stepped aside, motioning Iruka into his apartment.

"Ah - I was just going out to eat. You could come with me, though. If you want to, that is."

"Why don't you eat here? I have food, and you seem sorta hungry."

Iruka's stomach took that moment to express it's annoyance at being abused, and Kakashi chuckled, pulling the younger man inside.

Iruka was tugged down the short hall and nudged into the lounge. Settling onto the couch, he waited quietly while Kakashi changed from his pyjama bottoms into some real clothes and then as he rummaged in his kitchen cupboards.

"Ah..Iruka-sensei?"

"Just Iruka, Kakashi-san."

"Just Kakashi then, Iruka. And, um, it appears that my dogs must have eaten my food, how embarrassing, ahaha.."

Iruka listened, fascinated, as Kakashi kept talking.

__

He's rambling.

__

It's adorable.

"..but then it wasn't really, so I thought maybe we could get takeout instead?"

"That's fine with me, Kakashi."

Kakashi smiled at him.

"Good."

_LatherRinseRepeat_

_End_

Eeeeeeeeeeyeah..

It seems I can't write a decent story to save myself. I think a possible sequel is in the works, because I hate the ending. And the beginning. And the middle.

ARGH MY WRITING FLAIR

THOU HAST DESERTED ME.

But I knew that when I nearly failed English, didn't I..XD

I listened to "I kissed a girl" by Katy Perry and The String Quartet Tribute's songs all the way through this, because classical rock is AMAZING.

Anyway...comment and stuff. FF keeps eating my formatting, it's so annoying. I keep going to check its OK in the Live Preview and its all messy T.T

Tell me if you think I've done something wrong, please. Don't leave me in my ignorance!


	3. Aishiteru! Zutto, Aishiteru

Parte Deux!!

(For those of you wondering, the line with the words "Tricks and Traps" is indeed referring to that most wondrous Fic. I can't remember the name of the author, but they are on . GO FIND IT. IT ARE MADE OF WIN.)

Genma has a FOUL MOUTH and is a PERVERT. Lots of sexxings (NC-17 rated) and sweary words, so little children should really go play elsewhere…not that I care :D

_**Aishiteru! Zutto, Aishiteru.** = SCENE CHANGE / TIME PASSING ETC_

_* or ^ = note at the bottom of the page. Don't worry about it. It's probably not important._

Er, well. This has turned, since I started writing it, into a PWP…I guess it has some plot. Not a lot though. It also has an INSANE amount of POV changes, which I really need to cut down on. Can anyone help? I fixed it 3

_Aishiteru! Zutto, aishiteru._

Genma had learned a few things in his job. Some were less important than others (he really hadn't needed to know what female ninja got up to when alone, and the thoughts of them discussing his performance in bed had given him nightmares for weeks when he was younger.) Some things merely seemed important, and most of the stuff he picked up hanging around in the mission room was..well, useless, really. However, one of the most valuable things he considered himself to have mastered in his lifetime was the ability to read Umino Iruka's mood by the way he walked. This was because when you are a ninja, you spend your free time either sleeping, having wild sex (perhaps that was just applicable to Genma) or in the mission room, hoping for a new mission or some chat with your ninja friends. Therefore, due to the fact that Umino had a fearsome temper and a terrifying repertoire of tricks and traps, he was deemed the King of the Mission Room and nobody really wanted to set him off or get him in a bad mood.

Genma quickly became the go-to guy when any nervous nin wanted to ascertain whether now was a good time to approach the fiery man about those problems they were having writing their report, or whether they should leave it for a more opportune moment. Genma was quite proud of this fact, which was why he was slightly annoyed and very curious when Iruka walked in and Genma had no idea what mood he was in.

_..It looks like a good mood. He's awfully bouncy..that cute little ponytail is bobbing like nobody's business. But why? Naruto isn't back, I know that..and anyway, he strides about when that brat comes home, and walks fast as though he wants to get things done and go home to see him. So it's definitely not that. And it can't be that he's going on a mission somewhere, because when that happens he's usually much more self-contained and serious looking..so what, then?_

Genma adjusted himself for maximum Umino viewage and frowned. The senbon rolled from one side of his mouth to the other repeatedly as he mulled the question over. Suddenly he clenched his jaw in realisation, and the thin needle pointed sharply upwards.

_Of course!! How could I not realise? I sport that walk practically all the time! _

Genma grinned wickedly.

_That walk is the ''I had sex last night'' walk. The walk that broadcasts the fact that you stuck it in someone - or someone stuck it in you.. _

His grin widened as Iruka finished gathering various papers from around the room and made his way to the desks. He leaned forward in anticipation as the other man pulled out a chair, dumped his stuff on the desk and sat.

_Aw._

_Crap. I was wrong. He didn't wince as he sat. So, no sex. Tch..his walk today is really messing with my head._

"Hi Genma."

_Oh holy fuck who is that-_

"Oh. Hi Kakashi."

The other man tilted his head and gave that infamous curved-eye smile of his.

"I didn't scare you, I hope?"

"Course not," Genma replied smoothly. "Why would you?"

_You sneaky bastard, you knew exactly what you were doing._

"Well, I dunno Gen-chan. Why would I?"

"Ka-kun. As fun as this game of twenty questions is, I have better things to do with my time."

_Like figuring out the Mystery Of Umino's Walk! Heh, sounds like a book title. _

He wasn't really listening as Kakashi began to needle him about what he did for a job right now - "hanging out in the Mission Room, listening to gossip - I'd say that's an accurate reflection of your skills, Gen-chan" - replying to the friendly barbs with ones of his own, about how Kakashi should slow down, after all, he was showing his age - his hair was looking more white than silver lately. But his attention was still on Iruka, and he watched him out of the corner of his eye. Kakashi noticed his focus and said unexpectedly,

"I'd be careful with that one if I were you."

Genma turned, his senbon hanging loose in slack lips as he regarded Kakashi through sceptical eyes.

"Oh yeah? And why is that, sweetie? Afraid he'll bite your balls off if you hand in another report late?"

He was joking, of course, but as he watched, Kakashi's visible pupil dilated slightly at his words and a slight blush rose over the edge of the mask.

_Curiouser and curiouser, _thought Genma. This day was going from odd to downright weird - the only time he'd ever gotten Kakashi to blush was that one time they'd all gotten drunk together - all the jounin in their group had gathered at Anko's place and had a good time. Kakashi was surprisingly easy to get drunk, and had happily chatted to an equally smashed Genma for most of the evening. Of course, Genma hadn't been very aware of who he was talking to until the next day, but he remembered vividly the conversation they'd had, about Genma's conquests. He'd described them in detail, and watched the pink blush climb over that damnable mask, up Kakashi's nose and cheeks, spreading until even his ear-tips were pink. To do that had taken him a lot of work, and now he was getting a reaction just from a flippant comment? What was going on here?

Kakashi gave him a look - _are his glares more concentrated because they only come from one eye?_ - and said,

"No, Genma. It's just that I heard he has a really scary boyfriend who would not hesitate to tear you apart if you touched his stuff."

And with that, Kakashi strolled away towards Iruka, leaving Genma even more confused than ever.

(Ahh, I was soooo tempted to just leave it here and type the rest as a new chapter...but I won't. ^w^ You know you love me.)

Kakashi prowled across the room in silence, returning greetings with a small nod of his head or smile. Genma watched as he made his way over to Iruka's desk and appeared to say something to him. Of course, he mightn't have said anything at all – Genma could only guess, as Kakashi had his back to him and was blocking his view of Umino's face.

_I can't see…-- !_

Genma righted himself embarrassedly, hoping nobody had seen him lean too far and go past his point of balance. Unfortunately, Raidou had just entered at that moment, and had seen the whole thing. Genma blushed slightly and pointedly turned his face away from Raidou's laughing one.

_Stupid Rai._

_Stupid you, more like,_ said a mental voice, which sounded suspiciously Raidou-like itself. _It was your own fault, and you can't blame him for laughing, because you must have looked like such a genin._

Genma pouted sulkily and kicked a chair-leg. Nothing ever went his way.

Coming out of his sulk, he saw Iruka hand Kakashi a thick scroll and motion for him to sit down on a chair. Kakashi just shook his head and opted to sit on the edge of the desk. Genma's world seemed to slide into slow motion as Kakashi shifted some papers from the desk's edge, turned a little and sat.

_OHMYGOD._

_He winced. As he sat. And he's sitting next to Iruka. Who quite obviously had a good time last night without having someone on top of him*. Oh. My. God._

_Kakashi. And Iruka. Or rather, Iruka and Kakashi – ARGH MENTAL IMAGES~!_

Genma felt sure that his face was about to spontaneously combust from the blush he had. He could feel his hair singeing, but his brain would not stop supplying reasons as to why Kakashi had reacted so interestingly to his little joke earlier.

_I am not thinking about it. I am not thinking about my two friends banging each other. I'm not thinking about the fact that Iruka is the seme. I'm not._

_Damn, I think I'm getting aroused._

Kakashi was leaning over a little now, and the tanned chuunin was laughing at a joke he must have made. As Genma watched, Kakashi handed the scroll back – Genma was beginning to think it was just a pretence so as to give the jounin a reason to stay and talk to Iruka – he gave a little wave, which Iruka answered with a discreet hand signal – the one for "see you later", which also had the context of "see you tonight". Genma whimpered quietly, trying to force himself through sheer power of will to not get hard in his pants. He was succeeding, but he wouldn't be for long.

"Hey, Genma!!"

Iruka was calling him over.

**Aishiteru! Zutto, Aishiteru.**

Iruka got out of work at 5.15, and after a few minutes of pleading, he had convinced Genma to go out for drinks. As soon as Iruka was free, Genma had found himself being yanked off the wall he was leaning against and dragged down the street to the nearest bar, where he was sat on a seat in the most private part of the room and plied with alcohol.

Okay, maybe not plied. But Iruka had bought him a beer – that ought to count. And moreover, the chuunin had ordered one for himself! This was a rare occurrence, but Genma was far too confused and aroused to take advantage of Iruka's sudden wish to get drunk, or even just tipsy. This was mainly because Iruka was describing, in detail (minute detail), the recent sexual occurrence he'd had with one silver-haired, perverted, porn reading, mask wearing jounin. Who apparently had a very nice ass.

"Oh, Genma," gushed Iruka, "you have no idea what it was like. All pale and perfect, with only one scar, and even that made it more beautiful, and, and…"

Genma bit his lip in frustration and leaned across the table.

"Hey..d'you think Kakashi will mind you telling me this? I mean, he's kind of protective. I mean, he might 'tear me apart' or something."

"Tear you apart? Wherever did you get that odd idea from?"

Genma felt the urge to protectively curl in on his most important bits at the mere thought of the tone that Kakashi had taken when warning him off Iruka and shook his head violently.

"Never mind. Anyway, if you're going to tell me about whatever happened to you, you'll have to start from the beginning."

So Iruka did.

_**Aishiteru! Zutto, Aishiteru** _

_(Porn Starts Here..)_

Iruka grinned. Kakashi was being so sweet about that morning, blushing right over the edge of his mask and stammering out an apology in the middle of their delivered meal of sushi and zarusoba noodles, which Iruka adored.

"Iruka-san..I realise I was very forward this morning, and I want to apologise. It wasn't fair to do that to you – I could have really hurt your feelings. So please, forgive me – I promise I'll never do it again."

Iruka pouted visibly and said in a disappointed voice,

"What, never?"

Kakashi blushed even harder and muttered something very fast along the lines of 'unless you want me to, of course.' Iruka's smile widened and he leaned forward, asking concernedly,

"Say, Kakashi-san. You look quite pink. Are you all right?"

_Actually, Kakashi's blush looks like it could set his mask on fire, _Iruka mused, and for a second he entertained the idea of telling the other man to take it off so as to not pose a fire hazard.

Kakashi stood, awkwardly offering Iruka a drink. He returned from the kitchen with two bottles of sake, one of which was to eat with the sushi and one for the noodles. The sushi bottle was left cold from the fridge, but the other bottle was placed next to the heater to warm.

The food was good. The conversation was better. Iruka discovered that Kakashi liked vegetables and hated tempura, sometimes read something other than porn, and often wore more than one mask so as to confuse his students. Kakashi learned that Iruka didn't actually like ramen as much as one would have thought, harboured slightly homicidal thoughts towards his most rowdy students, and was definitely better at holding his alcohol than Kakashi.

Iruka stared as Kakashi's reflexes got worse and worse after only one bottle of sake, and smirked as he lowered his mask slower and slower. Eventually, Kakashi gave a grunt of annoyance and dragged the mask off over his head. Iruka flushed pink. Even though he'd seen it in the baths, he knew he'd never get tired of the view.

_…It is so unfair. There should be rules against him hiding that. Ones that say NO MASKS EVER EVER EVER. Hatake Kakashi's face must be visible at all times._

He realised that he'd been staring for quite a few minutes, speechless. Kakashi looked close to tears.

"You don't like it, do you? I know I'm not the best looking; you don't have to lie to me. You probably didn't get the best view this morning, it was all steamy and stuff, and I practically attacked you ARGHmmph-"

Iruka had done some "attacking" of his own, scrambling over the low table, feverishly pressing his lips to Kakashi's and grinding their hips together. Kakashi moaned, taken by surprise, and parted his lips to Iruka's tongue, which slid against his tantalizingly, then thrust in and out slowly, mimicking the movements of his hips. Kakashi surrendered totally, going limp and allowing himself to be lowered to the floor. He panted and groaned as Iruka licked and kissed his way down his jaw to his ear, which he nipped then soothed with tiny, catlike licks. Iruka's mind was blank – or rather, Iruka's mind was filled with only one thing, but apart from that, all unnecessary functions had shut down. This made way for the repeated phrase of _fuck him fuck him fuck him into the mattress tie him down and make him scream and shoot his come all over you and swear to never have anyone else in his bed but you oh yes PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.._

Iruka made a deceptively quiet noise into the juncture of Kakashi's neck and shoulder and bit him hard. Kakashi yelped and his back arched wildly, thrusting his arousal into Iruka's and making them both yell out.

"You.." said Iruka with difficulty, "have you got neighbours?"

"No-OHH I haven't..the ones on the left and below are on missions..and AAAHHYESSS the ones on the right are on holiday – OW FUCK!"

Kakashi's flailing left hand had hit the radiator, and he cursed, cradling it to himself. The edge had caught the back of his hand a good wallop, and he'd cut it. Iruka rolled to his feet and went into the bathroom for a damp cloth and disinfectant. When he got back, Kakashi had poured out two saucers of sake and was downing one. Iruka darted over.

"Is it that sore? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Kakashi said quietly. _But the date isn't. This is a disaster; I was doing so well and now this. He'll never want to sleep with me if stuff like this happens…I hate my life._

Iruka carefully cleaned, disinfected and set to work healing the shallow cut. The green-blue chakra flowed down his arms to the wound, knitting together the flesh and blood vessels. It didn't take long to heal the small wound, and Kakashi was left staring at his hand, newly healed, in his lap.

Iruka stood with a sigh, motioning back to the low table.

"We should finish our meal. There's no point in us passing out with hunger later, is there?" This statement was accompanied by a lewd grin and a suggestive wink. Kakashi blinked, then a smile appeared on his face.

"No," he agreed. "There isn't."

They finished the noodles slowly, talking quietly and drinking generous amounts of the warm sake. Kakashi seemed at once relaxed and nervous. He was sprawled out, sipping out of the little green saucer and being, to Iruka's eye, deliberately tempting. The chuunin countered by stretching widely and undoing his hair tie. The long locks tumbled down around his face and he shook his head to rid it of the pleasant-unpleasant sensation that came after releasing his ponytail from the tie. His scalp felt tight and he ran his hands through it as he asked Kakashi whether he was finished, and should Iruka take the plates through? Kakashi only stared at him as though he was speaking English and when he did talk, it wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever said.

"Muh?"

Iruka froze in the act of leaning forward to take Kakashi's plate and looked up at him.

"Did you just say _muh_?"

Kakashi shook his head violently and attempted to distract Iruka by means of mentioning the small tubs of chocolate and vanilla ice cream in his freezer. It worked.

Iruka scampered through to the kitchen, cleaned the plates while also managing to fend off Kakashi's efforts to help – "You paid, so I clean up. That's how it goes" and instead sending him off to get the ice cream. He noticed as Kakashi wandered across to the freezer that the older man's walk was not quite steady.

_This could be either a very good thing or a very bad thing. I wonder what kind of drunk he is?_

Kakashi eventually found the two tiny tubs of frozen goodness and stumbled back through to the living room where they'd eaten their dinner. He was fascinated by the way Iruka ate the chocolate ice cream – he took a large spoonful and popped it in his mouth, whole. Then, instead of tightening his lips around the mouthful, he pulled it back out slowly, leaving a little inside, which he swallowed. Then he repeated it, sliding the spoon slowly in and out of his mouth. Kakashi watched the man's tongue as it slid out and licked off a trickle of dessert from the back of his hand and repressed the urge to moan. Suddenly he noticed that the spoon in Iruka's hand was turning slightly as he chased the melted cream down his bare arm. The ice cream was at the stage of still being very cold, but also very slippery. It fell off the spoon and landed on Iruka, who yelled in surprise at his bare leg being so suddenly frozen. Kakashi swallowed his own mouthful of ice cream and stood, prowling around to Iruka, who was trying to stop the ice cream from dripping on the floor.

"I can help you with that, Umino-san."

Kakashi knelt, placing his spoon into the ice cream cup for safekeeping, and bent over Iruka's leg. He fastened his lips over Iruka's anklebone and gave a good, hard suck. Then he slid his tongue up Iruka's calf, devouring both the chuunin and the sweet. Iruka, at this point, had curled forward over Kakashi and was making the most amazing noises Kakashi had ever heard, like a cross between a whimper and a growl, or a purr and a moan – Kakashi's tongue licked as far up as it could, and then back down again, caressing every scar and area of skin he could reach from ankle to knee. Finally he raised his head and pressed his forehead against Iruka's. He said quietly,

"I prefer the taste of you to the taste of the ice cream, Iruka. You taste so good to me."

When Kakashi said this, Iruka felt his whole body tense and he moaned quietly, eyes screwed shut. He didn't want to have Kakashi here; he wanted it to be in a bed, but if the other man kept doing such erotic things to him then he'd have no choice. Iruka's legs had thousands of tiny scars^, and they were extraordinarily sensitive. His previous erection was back tenfold from when it had gone down when Kakashi was hurt, and he knew that if he didn't get some sort of release tonight, he'd hurt himself. He pressed his lips momentarily to Kakashi's and breathed into his ear, "Bedroom?"

Kakashi nodded quickly and stood, pulling Iruka up by his hand and leading him to the bedroom. Somewhere between the couch and their destination, however, they lost track of their goal, ending up with Iruka pressing Kakashi against the wall and kissing him roughly. Their hands roamed freely, nothing like that morning in the baths – no, this was wild and uncontrolled lust, and Kakashi was loving it, panting and moaning into Iruka's mouth. When they both pulled away for a breath, he dragged Iruka the last few feet into the bedroom where they fell onto the bed and each other, pulling at clothes and buttons fiercely.

Iruka stripped Kakashi as quickly as he could, not caring about where his own clothes landed. It felt like even though he had already seen the enigmatic man naked that morning, it was even more exciting because he knew – oh yes, he knew – that the body beneath the clothes was perfect. Iruka could feel Kakashi's own hands fumbling at his waist and he reached down and dragged the jounin's trousers and underwear off in one, standing back to admire his prize. Kakashi's dick stood proud, flushed pink and dripping pre-come. Iruka's own cock jumped at the sight and he groaned, reaching down to pull his trousers down off his legs. He could see Kakashi watching him as he stepped out of the clothes and was left in just a pair of tented boxers.

The jounin licked his lips and reached out to him, tugging him into the bed and rubbing against him like a very perverted cat. His hands reached into Iruka's boxers and grasped his dick, rubbing his thumbs over the sensitive head. Iruka's back arched and his lips parted wide as he gasped for air. Kakashi slid down the bed, removing the boxers slowly. Iruka's dick sprang free, rubbing against the tanned stomach and leaving a smear of pre-come, which Kakashi licked off eagerly. Iruka shuddered in pleasure, and his head fell back, exposing his long neck. He felt Kakashi's agile tongue circle the top of his cock and gasped loudly, hips twitching up into the heat of the man's mouth. Kakashi pressed his hips firmly into the bed and slid down the stiff shaft, sucking hard and stimulating the underside with his tongue.

After a few minutes of torturing Iruka like this, he pressed his head as far down as he could and deep throated Iruka for a few seconds, swallowing around him. Then he pulled away, licking his lips, satisfied. Iruka felt him lean across and heard the thunk of an opening drawer. Kakashi appeared in his line of vision with a small bottle and said quietly, "I want you to watch me."

He turned his back to Iruka and knelt on all fours on the bed. His pale legs parted and he looked backwards at Iruka, eyes half-lidded in lust and arousal. He poured a generous amount of the slick oil onto his fingers and closed the bottle, tossing it back onto the chest of drawers. One hand pressed into the mattress, steadying him, and the other reached between his legs. He pressed one finger inside with no difficulty, sliding it in and out slowly and moaning for effect. Adding another finger quickly, he thrust them in over and over, as deep as he could, stimulating his prostate. Soon his moans were not just for effect – he was rock hard and dripping and so ready to be taken, to be filled. His mouth was dry, and he knelt up, giving one last hard thrust, and removing his fingers, he turned to look at what effect his little show had had on his lover.

Iruka, for his part, watched, desperately aroused, as the man in front of him showed him the most erotic sight he'd ever seen. His hand crept down to his hardness and he caressed himself, pinching and rolling his nipples and tugging roughly at his cock. He had to grip himself tightly at one point to stop himself from coming too soon – Kakashi's moans were almost too much for him, but he knew that he wanted to hear him yell, hear him scream his name. Eventually, after what seemed like hours but were probably minutes, Kakashi pulled his fingers out of himself and turned to look at him. Iruka just stared at him, speechless.

"Kakashi – you-"

All of a sudden, Kakashi was straddling him. Their cocks rubbed together and they both thrust their hips a little, revelling in the sensation.

"I want you," Iruka eventually said in a low, breathy voice. "I want all of you."

Kakashi just smiled self-satisfiedly at him and sank down onto his hard dick. Iruka let out a yell, and so did Kakashi, both of them pressing as hard together as possible. Iruka felt a little like he was dying – the little death, they called it, didn't they – but no, he couldn't be, because Kakashi was still moaning and writhing on top of him, and if he came now, he'd never live it down. He controlled himself, burying his face in Kakashi's neck and sucking on the skin there. He breathed deeply, taking in Kakashi's scent.

"Please, Iruka! Please, please, I want you to fuck me," Kakashi was moaning above him, "Please, hurry. You know you want to, I'm telling you I need you, come on.."

Iruka blinked. Kakashi seemed under the impression, however slight, that he was in control. Well, Iruka would soon introduce him to the fact that the person in charge here was him. He wrapped his hands around Kakashi's hips and lifted him up. Then he slammed him back down onto his cock, arching up at the same time. Kakashi howled as Iruka hit his prostate repeatedly in this manner, hand pinching at his own nipples and sliding over his dick. Iruka gave a grunt of annoyance and slapped his hands away.

"No touching. That's mine."

Kakashi gave him a look and ignored him, smirking as he teased himself roughly. Iruka just sighed and flipped them both over, gathering Kakashi's wrists into one hand and tying them tightly with the thigh-bandages from his uniform, which had landed conveniently by the bedside. Kakashi didn't struggle, and his cock was as hard as ever, but Iruka could see he was bemused by his actions. Iruka tied his wrists to the headboard and grinned down at Kakashi, saying,

"You really should learn to do what you're told. I suppose I'll have to punish you.."

Kakashi whimpered quietly and bit his lip. He could feel Iruka still pressed deep inside him, nestled firmly against his prostate. Because the tanned man wasn't moving, it was a continual dull ache of pleasure instead of sharp sudden slices of heat and he was going to be driven slowly INSANE if this didn't stop..he wriggled a little, sighing in pleasure as the head of Iruka's dick suddenly pressed harder. Iruka sighed and said,

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

All of a sudden Kakashi felt tight pressure around the base of his cock and he stared down at Iruka's left hand, which was deftly wrapping the man's hair tie around and around to form a cock ring.

"What are you doing?" he asked frantically, feeling the blood pulse heavily in his trapped dick. Iruka surged forward, bracing himself on the palms of his hands and slamming roughly into Kakashi who yelled in delight and frustration - _goddamn cock ring_ - and thrust himself back down onto Iruka, who responded by leaning forward and pressing his lips to Kakashi's.

Iruka continued the wild pace, hitting Kakashi's prostate mercilessly and kissing him just as roughly. He felt like he could fly - Hatake Kakashi,_ the_ copy ninja was lying beneath him, fucking himself on his cock. He bit Kakashi's lips and neck, marking him with red blooms that only he, only Iruka would see - Iruka groaned. He wasn't going to last.

Reaching down, he tugged at the hair tie and whispered into Kakashi's ear, _"You can come now,"_ and the jounin did, messily, all over the sheets and Iruka and himself. And as Kakashi lay there, panting, riding out the aftershocks, Iruka gasped and buried himself deep inside him and came, in a blaze of colour and light and good grief, when people had told him about orgasms like this he'd thought they were _lying -_

Afterwards, Iruka and Kakashi lay there for the rest of the night. They didn't even clean up. Both were sure that if they moved too much the perfect moment that they were in would shatter like a beautiful sculpture dropped onto a concrete floor, and they would never be able to reclaim it. When they woke up, they moved slowly, showering together and soaping each other up delicately, recreating their first kiss in the onsen a hundred times over. When Iruka had to go to work, Kakashi followed him and kissed him goodbye at the doors, his lips lingering until the last possible second.

For the whole day, Iruka felt like he was floating.

_**Aishiteru! Zutto, Aishiteru.**_

Genma sighed and leaned against his bedroom door.

That was a serious session. I never knew that Iruka and Kakashi were both such minxes in bed..

"Hey, Genma? That you?"

The door behind Genma opened and he stumbled backwards into a pair of strong, muscled arms. Raidou chuckled down at him and ruffled his hair affectionately.

"You're home later than usual. Something happen at work? You sure seemed awfully absorbed in whatever Iruka and Kakashi were doing."

_You have no idea._

"Yeah..why don't I tell you about it, huh?"

After he and Raidou were finished, curled together in their bed, Genma wondered if what Iruka had told him was the kind of story kunoichi had once told about him.

_Doesn't matter. As long as Raidou keeps my performance in bed to himself.. **_

*****

_*Genma was wrong about this._

_**He didn't. He told Anko, who told everyone.***_

_***Nearly everyone. Everyone except babies.****_

_****And Genma._

^ Evidence of a torture technique used by Iwa ninjas, where small holes are opened in the skin and metal scraps pushed in. The skin is then healed and a magnet is swung over the unfortunate shinobi. The metal pieces rip out of the skin like backwards bullets, sometimes causing permanent damage. Luckily, the metal in Iruka's legs was not in deep enough to cause muscle damage, so the technique was purely cosmetic in his case.

**_Author's Ramblings_**

I wrote part of the last bit of this chapter – i.e. the sex – with two cats on my lap. They looked like Kakashi and Iruka! One was a male called Timmy, and he was Siamese. He was very pale – sort of blonde-white, and very regal looking. As soon as the kids I was babysitting went to bed, I immediately renamed him Kakashi. The other was a tabby female named Poppy, and she was much more playful. She loved my necklace and kept batting and tugging at it. I christened her Iruka. She had to put up with constant advances from Kakashi-cat – she dealt with him well, though. A quick paw to the face and an annoyed meow put that to a halt!

…Ah, I miss _my_ cat now..

But yeah. They were a good help for my writer's block.

IN OTHER NEWS!

This was my first sex scene ever. I was really nervous, but pulled on my almost encyclopaedic knowledge of gay porn, of which I read far too much.

Thank you, fandom! What would I have done without you?

I was having some trouble with the POV changes in this fic – and the scene in Kakashi's house was meant to be all Iruka, but that other brat just wouldn't leave me be. "Let me lick Iruka all over, please? Please? If you don't then I'll hate you forever and I'll never let you write me again," said he. I had to give in..That's probably why this fic is so unbelievably long. (ADVICE NEEDED. DX HALP WHAT DO I DO WITH SCENE/POV CHANGES AND STUFF? IT SEEMS SO FORCED TO ME T_T also, my usually good grammar has gone _insane_ please help help help Thanks for the help *blush* I can't believe I didn't realise i was actually writing this in 3rd person *headdesk*)

Also – for you CRAZY American people (possibly other nations as well – I really have no idea) – the "living room" can also be called the 'lounge', 'front room', 'sofa room' or whatever. I dunno what is the best way to call it to suit everyone, but here in Scotland we call it the living room. And trousers = pants. (For us, btw, pants = underwear. A pair of pants is "knickers" to you guys, I think…wow, confusing or what?) Apparently I'm wrong here too. Lol I must just be getting all this dodgy info from TV.

Geez, I started this fic sometime in September of last year, how crazy is that? I don't think I've ever taken so long to finish one chapter before ^^; it's rather embarrassing..

Some notes I wrote for myself :

Iruka's PET NAME FOR K = "Ka-chi" - not used in bed - full first name (or "ooh sensei" only!! ;3 )

Yeah, anyway..if you spot anything wrong or anything that you think could be written better (please don't say the whole fic T.T) then point it out to me!! I live for _CONSTRUCTIVE _criticism. Also also also You can point out good things too! I'd like to know your favourite bits so I can do the same sort of thing again..3


	4. Perverted ANBU Voyeur Crack

_**For Kiasca. Hope you like it! - By koukatsukoneko**_

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

A horrific scream rent the air. The ANBU's white bear mask almost slid off as his head turned to triangulate the area it came from. He frowned beneath it, the mask askew, and adjusted it, tying it even tighter.

_That's gonna leave big red marks on my face, like the ones Dad used to get when he wore glasses. Every day, big red marks on his nose._

_Yeah. Real stealthy. In fact, people asking me about stupid-looking marks on my face are about the last thing I need-_

His internal grumblings paused as he realised that the scream was still going, kind of like one of those car alarms that goes off at two AM and doesn't stop.

"-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

The ANBU jumped over a chimney and ran towards the source of the screaming. When he arrived, however…

_Oh hell no. I am NOT going in there for love nor money._

It was Iruka's house. The ANBU could still remember the last time he'd burst in there unannounced - the images were sketched on the insides of his eyelids, he saw them at night. Iruka had been bent over Kakashi who had his face buried in the arm of the sofa. Iruka in high-heeled, thigh high leather boots that laced up the outsides…. with a book in one hand and Kakashi in the other. Apparently Kakashi had been beating off to Icha Icha when Iruka got home and caught him. He'd been none too happy about his lover having fun by himself and leaving him out of it, and so…

_NO NO NO I'm not thinking about it. _

He pinched his leg in a vain attempt to stop the train of thought, which had unfortunately already left the station of Shame At Being Slightly Interested By The Thought Of Friends Doing It and was thundering down the tracks of Horrified Fascination, on it's way to pick up the twin passengers of Guilty Arousal and Masturbating In A Tree.

_Augh! Arousal, I defy you!_

He jumped down onto Iruka's roof and took out a tiny instrument from his pack. Screwing the little earpiece into his ear and setting the vibration-sensing tripod to "High", he put it on the roof and nearly blew his eardrum out.

_Ow. Is that Gai in there? Only he can be that loud, right?_

"-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!! Kakashi-sensei, GET OFF HIM NOW!"

"Um, Naruto, I can't-"

"You will or I'll kill you!"

"But Naruto, _he's _the one on top of _me!_"

_Ohh-kay. This sounds…interesting, to say the least. I wonder what that kid caught them doing? If it was anything as interesting as what I saw then he must have got a real eyeful._

"Iruka-sensei!" Whiny. "Why are you letting that _PERV_ touch you up? I mean, he's ugly, and permanently late, and perverted, and gross, and old to boot!"

"Ah, Naruto-kun.."

There was a rustle of fabric. Was Iruka pulling his trousers back up, or was he merely shifting embarrassedly from foot to foot?

"You see, Naruto, when two men love each other very much, they do a thing called the _horizontal tango, _which-"

"Kakashi. Sweetheart."

_God, Iruka sounds dangerous now. No wonder,_ _I mean, Kakashi teaching someone about the facts of life is a lot more likely to scar them mentally, not set them up for healthy, loving relationships._

"Naruto-kun, come and sit down. _NOT THERE._ Good. Now, I assume-" Here, Iruka coughed, slightly uncomfortable about broaching the subject with his almost-son, the ANBU supposed.

_Don't worry about it, Iruka, _Bear advised silently. _You can consider the subject well and truly broached, and at least you don't have to go through the whole 'Oh Naruto your jounin-sensei and I are dating' thing. I mean, he knows now._

"-I assume that you know the mechanics?"

"Erm. Not really."

Wow. Bear actually thought he felt Iruka's heart sink.

"Why not, Naruto? Those classes were obligatory in school! Did you skip them?"

"Well, no, but I got thrown out. I only got the bit about what a naked girl looks like, and that sure was useful info!! Without it my Sexy-jutsu would look like a shop dummy."

A sigh from Iruka.

"Okay. Okay. So, um, do you want to know? I mean, how it all happens."

"Well, sensei, I already know how it works with girls."

"Oh? Did someone from the class tell you?"

"Nah, I got it from Icha Icha-"

Noises of indignation.

"Good for you, Naruto! That's how I got my information when I was your age. Icha Icha is perfectly reliable, don't worry, Iruka-"

"Pervy-Hermit lent it to me."

Incoherent rage.

"_How could he? I'll kill him!_"

"Ah, no! Don't kill him! Then there will be no new Icha Icha releases and…yes, dear."

_Did Kakashi just whimper? Iruka must be terrifying._

"Um, sensei? Weren't you going to tell me something?"

_Good boy, Naruto. Distract Iruka with the fact that you know nothing about the technicalities of gay sex._

The killing intent radiating from the apartment slowly dissipated. It was replaced by a feeling of sort of embarrassed determination, as though Iruka had resolved to teach Naruto everything he needed to know about sex between men, whether he decided he actually wanted to or not.

"Okay, Naruto-kun. This is how it works."

Iruka went through it in unbelievable detail for a man who got embarrassed when he went to buy condoms, Bear thought. Nothing was left out of his explanation - arousal, how the male genitalia worked, the prostate gland, what sex between men consisted of - _("Ew, sensei, d'you mean the guy puts his dick- I mean penis- up the other guy's ass? Doesn't it hurt?" "Well, no, Naruto-kun, because..") _- and everything! Bear hadn't been aware - at least, not consciously, he'd never thought about it, really - that the prostate was actually erectile tissue like the nipples were. It actually got hard!

_I should take notes._

He became aware that Naruto was leaving, and stepped backwards carefully to keep himself out of his line of sight. The sunny-haired boy left with a cheery, "Bye Iruka-sensei!" and a less cheery "Pervert-sensei. Hnf."

The door closed behind him and Bear heard Iruka collapse onto the sofa.

Kakashi's voice sounded far too cheerful when he said, "You do know he'll want to know why _we're_ together, specifically. Eventually. When he figures out you laid him off with graphic descriptions of gay sex-"

"I did not _lay him off, _and those descriptions were not _graphic._"

"Oh really?" The older man's voice was low, seductive.

"Yes, really. Because if I'd wanted to be graphic, I'd have given him real life examples. And he'd have realised that you're the 'girl', as he put it, in this situation." Iruka's voice, however, was lower still, and dripping sex. Bear swallowed.

"Oh? I never thought you'd complain about me being underneath you in our bedroom explorations, Iruka-seme-kun."

"You bastard. You'd better be ready to..ahem.._tango._"

"I'll have you know that not only can I tango, I can foxtrot uniform charlie kilo-"

"You're insufferable." A low noise, like a growl but sexier-

"You love it - mmmm.."

Wet noises. Bear swallowed again, and forced himself to remove the tripod and earpiece, stand and leave. As he rushed through the air he comforted himself with the thought that his shift was nearly over and his lover was waiting at home.

Below his feet, Naruto rolled over on his bed and realised he still didn't know why Iruka let Kakashi within a ten foot radius of him, shrugged and went back to his manga.


	5. Iruka Knows Persistence Pays Off

Persistence

Kakashi had never really given any thought to Umino Iruka before. The Chuunin exam argument was, to him, unmemorable, and they moved in different circles, of both friends and work. The most he saw him was at the mission desk, when a polite "Thank you for your hard work" was exchanged, along with reports and new scrolls detailing the next person Kakashi needed to kill. So when he saw the teacher in the trendy new nightclub that he didn't really want to be in, he was surprised to find that the other man had been thinking about him.

Probably a little too hard.

"Go out with me, Kakashi-san?"

"Umino-san, I barely know you. Never mind that, you barely know me!"

"That's good."

"Oh? Why?"

"Because if I knew you as well as I want to then I probably wouldn't want to go out with you." Brown eyes twinkled mischievously over the edge of a glass.

"Go out with me, Kakashi-san."

"..You're drunk."

………………………………

About ten days later, he bumped into the chuunin again, this time on his way out to get something to eat. Upon arriving back from his last mission, he'd found he'd left the fridge door slightly ajar, and all his food was wasted. He was headed to the best yakitori stand in the whole city - a tiny stand called Asa's. When he rounded the corner to the street it was on, however, he was disappointed to note that he couldn't smell any tasty chicken or even the sauce they made for dipping. He could see a young man with shoulder-length brown hair standing in front of the stand, though, and wandered over to ask him if he knew why it wasn't open, and -

"Hi, Kakashi-san."

Oh, for the love of...

"…Hello, Umino-san. Any idea why this place is shut?"

"The lady that runs it has a daughter. She's pregnant in hospital, so her mother decided to take time off to see her."

Okay. Kakashi could live with that excuse.

"So, Kakashi-san. Given any thought to my proposal?"

…What?

"What proposal, Umino-san?"

The young man grinned at Kakashi and the edges of the scar over his nose crinkled slightly.

"The one we talked about in the bar. You know?"

Kakashi decided to play it dumb. Maybe the man wouldn't be brass-necked enough to brazen this whole line of questioning out, and Kakashi could finish this conversation and wander off to get himself a slightly-less-tasty-than-planned dinner elsewhere.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, Umino-san."

Yep. Dumb and polite was the way to go, and Iruka wouldn't be able to do a thing about it -

"Go out with me, Kakashi-san."

On the other hand, maybe Iruka didn't fit into the 'shy teacher' stereotype that Kakashi had picked out for him. Maybe he was more 'persistent gay man'.

"Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi just grunted, then panicked slightly because _what if Iruka took that as a 'yes'?_

"I'm not dating anyone at the moment, Umino-san."

"That's a real shame. But d'you want to go get dinner anyway? Your stomach is making abused noises at me."

God, Kakashi was hungry.

"…Fine."

……………………….

Kakashi barely dared to admit it to himself, but he actually thought he might have had _fun_ when he'd gone out for dinner with Iruka. The other man had been surprisingly funny and seemed to enjoy Kakashi's slightly acerbic wit, countering all of the Jounin's observations with ones of his own.

Kakashi would be slightly more comfortable in his presence, however, if he'd just stopped asking him the same damn question.

"Go out with me, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi had just ended up ignoring it, asking Iruka another question to distract him or pointing something out _("That dress makes her look really fat. Don't you think, Iruka-san?" to which the other had replied, "I bet I'd look great in it. Don't you think, Kakashi-san?" Kakashi hadn't been sure, and still wasn't, if Iruka had been joking or not._)

Also, sometime during the evening, Umino-san had morphed into "Iruka-san", who was happy and laughing and slightly irreverent and very, very good looking. Kakashi wasn't even going to try to deny that he was attracted to him.

However.

This DID NOT MEAN that he was interested in Iruka in a sexual way. He'd told this to his libido several times. Kakashi knew fine well that he could be attracted to someone, but not sexually interested. It happened all the time, like with Tsunade. Damn, the woman had good boobs, but this didn't mean that he wanted a relationship!

…Well, maybe if he could just squeeze them _once…_

Unfortunately, Kakashi did not have a good track record with relationships. In fact, Kakashi didn't have relationships at all! He felt like everyone he got close to was damaged by him in some way or another, and this caused him to allow only the most unthreatening of relationships possible. The kind of relationships that weren't even relationships.

Kakashi was a one-night-stand guy.

Sure, if Iruka had presented himself as looking for that kind of fun, then Kakashi would have given it to him, in abundance, for one night. The only problem was, Iruka didn't want a one-night-stand.

_Go out with me, Kakashi-san._

_Go out with me._

Those four words, to Kakashi, meant _stay with me. Don't leave me. Look after me. Give me my space when I need it. Give me you when I need you. Give me everything._

Relationships were dangerous. Kakashi knew.

When he'd been younger and less experienced, he'd had a girlfriend. This knowledge might have shocked those who knew him as The Copy Ninja, capital letters and all, but some people knew. Gai knew, and Kurenai knew, and Asuma had known.

The girl - because that was how he thought of her - had been a year younger than him, and beautiful. A chuunin, and impeccably good at her job, she had slipped into his life very suddenly one day when he was running down the street trying to escape from Gai, and had knocked her over. He'd picked her up, apologised, and tugged her down a side alley to wait until Gai had gone. Then she'd smiled at him and asked if he'd like to go out for tea. He'd accepted, although not really used to invitations of this sort, and they'd gone from there. Dating was confusing, at first, and there was a war on - there was always a war on somewhere - and he was out of the village a lot, and just as he was getting used to having her around, to relying on her for little important things, she died.

It was while he was in hospital, recovering from a nasty burn to his left leg. He'd been due to get out in three days, but news of her death - on a mission, killed by rogue ninja from Water - set him back almost nine months as he went into a serious spiral of depression. It wasn't all caused by her death - shinobi break all the time - but he'd been attached to her more strongly than anyone who was still alive now, and thinking of how different his life was going to be without her would make him think of all the people he'd killed and how their families must be feeling the same way as he was right now, which set him off on another corkscrewing ride down into the bowels of despair and _why couldn't it have been someone else, why her, why me, why, God, why?_

Kakashi knew now how dangerous people getting close to him could be. This was because Kakashi, at his base, at his centre, was basically a needy person. He needed people to hold onto him, to touch him and look after him. Generally these aren't good traits for shinobi to have, so he denied this side of him. Having a relationship meant that he couldn't deny it any more, and he was positive this was a bad thing for him. After all, he needed to be cold and efficient when on his missions, and he couldn't do that if he was used to curling up with someone at night, now, could he?

Kakashi nodded to himself, positive he'd figured it out, then rolled over onto his stomach and went to sleep.

He dreamed of Iruka.

………………

Kakashi knew that Iruka knew that he knew that Iruka was getting somewhere.

Which confused him.

He knew this, because he'd stopped wearing his mask around him, for one thing. And for another, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Just like a stalagmite is formed after water drips for years and years onto the same spot, so Iruka seemed to be building a thought in Kakashi's head - _why __don't__ you go out with him?_

Kakashi had spent hours the previous evening figuring out the reasons exactly why he shouldn't go out with the sweet-talking teacher - he'll just end up not liking me in the end; I don't want to spoil our friendship; He'll just end up getting hurt; The school won't like his gay relationship and will throw him out; His friends won't like me.

Oddly, Kakashi didn't worry about his friends not liking Iruka. After all, the chuunin seemed to be on good terms with all of them already - he saw him conversing with them in the Missions Room.

Even so, Kakashi reasoned, there are all those reasons up there for me not to go out with him. That night, when Iruka asked him to go out with him for what felt like the millionth time, he said all this to him, and watched in bewilderment as the younger man split his sides laughing.

"Oh, Kakashi. Do you really believe all that?"

Kakashi did.

"Well let me just put a few things straight. We've known each other for a good few months now, right?"

Kakashi tells him that it's ten, and is startled to realise that they've known each other for almost a year. They spent Christmas day together, for goodness sake!

"Ten months. And we know each other pretty well, yeah?"

Kakashi just nods.

"So don't you think that I know all your bad habits by now? So you can strike off of that list that I'll not like you in the end, and that you'll spoil our friendship, and I can tell you now that my friends will adore you. Believe me."

Kakashi just stares at him. He can feel that his argument is getting shakier by the minute, and that the Iruka-stalagmite in his brain is getting bigger and bigger. He shakes his head, but says nothing. Iruka ignores the negative reaction and continues,

"So the only two that are left are your problem with my school and your thoughts on me getting hurt. So I can tell you now, Kashi" - because that is the nickname Kakashi earned himself during week two of Iruka's persistent friendship - "you can stop worrying about shit that doesn't concern you right now!"

What? What had Kakashi done wrong?

Iruka continued, "If my school has issues about me being in a gay relationship then that is my problem, and you don't need to worry about it anyway. That place would fall apart without me, and they know it."

It's true. Kakashi knows this because he's seen the amount of extra work Iruka does for that school, and when Iruka gets sick the rest of the staff are often shocked by the sheer volume of work that Iruka does. It's only noticeable when he's gone.

"And Kashi?"

Mmm. That sounded like Iruka's _don't fuck with me pal _tone. It got used a lot in the mission room, and made Kakashi squirm slightly when it was aimed at him, which it was right now.

Kakashi squirmed.

"Don't you_ ever, ever_ assume that I can't take care of myself! I don't know what harm you think is going to come to me if I have a relationship with you, but I'll be damned if I can't handle it myself!"

God, he looks so amazing when he shouts like that. Kakashi leans back slightly, looking up into Iruka's face, because at some point in his rant the chuunin has gotten so worked up he has stood to better put forward his point. However, Iruka is not standing any more, he has knelt down in front of Kakashi and is leaning forward. Kakashi is enveloped in a strong hug and for a few seconds just sits there, immobile, wondering when the hell Iruka's mood changed and why he's being hugged. Eventually he puts his arms around him and pulls him in tight, leaning into him and breathing him in. And as they sit there in silence, Iruka's voice comes from somewhere in the vicinity of his neck, slightly muffled as he speaks against Kakashi's bare skin.

"Go out with me, Kakashi-san. Please."

And Kakashi gives in, and says, "Okay."

…………………………

Later - like, a few weeks later - Iruka says to Kakashi, "I knew you'd say yes eventually."

Kakashi just grins at him, and says "Oh yeah? How come?"

Iruka tells him that it's because Kakashi never actually said no.

Kakashi thinks about this, and realises that it is true. During all the months that Iruka pestered him to go out with him, he never directly refused. It was always a redirection of the conversation, and ignoring of the question, a answer that brushed off the question but never seemed to give a definitive YES or NO - Kakashi had never once said to Iruka, 'No, I will not go out with you.' He could have, but he hadn't, and he asks Iruka what he would have done if Kakashi had refused his company.

Iruka just shrugs and says nothing. Kakashi understands that this means that Iruka tries not to think about it, that he was maybe even worried that Kakashi would do just this and wisely decides to drop the subject.

After all, it's much nicer to just sit here with Iruka and not have to worry about silly things like what ifs. Iruka taught him that "what if" was a phrase that should be omitted at every opportunity, and Kakashi was indeed doing his best to not think things like _what if an enemy finds out about us and hurts Iruka to get to me, _or _what if he wakes up tomorrow and decides he doesn't love me anymore _or _what if.._

Kakashi had a lot of what ifs. Iruka seemed erase them all, though, when Kakashi looked at him. The only thought that crossed his mind then was _I wonder if Iruka would like a kiss, _which he usually acted upon.

Iruka always liked a kiss.

……………………………….

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND MY TENSE-CHANGING MADNESS? WHY CAN'T I JUST STICK WITH ONE?

I'm sorry if the whole thing seems disjointed and odd. This is what comes of me being awake and internetless at God-awful hours of the morning.

I know the tenses slide around all over the place. Please please point out my mistakes and I'll do my best to fix them. (Thanks to _micah.n10_! I hope I've fixed it all ^^;)

The ending was difficult to write. If anyone can suggest anything better I will love you forever.

_Don't fuck with me pal _is Glaswegian Scottish for _Soon You Will **Die**_. (Anyone who has been to Glasgow will know this.)


	6. Snap aka The Milk Story

_Snap_

Iruka stormed into the house, door slamming sharply behind him. He dragged off his dripping flak jacket and his shoes, which were barely recognisable from the amount of mud they were coated with. He shook the muck from his toes with a grimace and headed for the kitchen, noticing as he went that Kakashi had been home and left his own trail of mud. All he wanted was a cup of sweet, hot, milky tea. That wasn't too much too ask for, was it? He could practically taste it already, the milk cutting through the slight bitterness of the tea and the sugar providing the lift he so desperately needed after the day he'd had.

He filled the kettle noisily, moving quickly with the absolute need for tea. The kettle boiled quickly, and he filled the cup that already contained the teabag and stirred it. He put the sugar in and went to the fridge, pulling it open, taking out the carton and tipping it over the cup to discover-

Empty. The carton was totally empty. And Iruka knew - he _knew -_whose fault this was.

_Kakashi, I hate you so much right now._

Iruka poured the cup of tea into the sink. With no milk, he refused to drink it. He took a frozen carton out of the freezer and put it in the sink to defrost. He couldn't be bothered running hot water over it for long enough to melt it.

_Fine. If I can't have my tea, at least I can take a shower and a nap._

He showered quickly - Kakashi had left dirty footprints on the floor here, too, and had used the last of the toilet roll without replacing it.

_For fuck's sake._

Iruka was breathing deliberately calmly by the time he'd cleaned up after Kakashi and himself, wiping his own muddy footprints from the floor and finally allowing himself to go to bed.

Which Kakashi had left clothes all over.

Iruka took the edge of the duvet and flicked. The clothes tumbled to the floor. He slid into the bed gratefully and dropped off fast, dreaming carnage-filled dreams.

He woke up to the sound of clattering metal and Kakashi's horrible off-key singing. Iruka groaned and tugged the pillow over his head, praying that Kakashi would shut up soon. His head throbbed abominably and he rubbed his eyes, trying to disperse the pain. It didn't work, and there was a louder clang from the kitchen that cut through his head like a kunai through butter.

"Oh my God, _ow_."

He rolled out of bed wearily, shoulders slumped, and realised that even though he had slept, he was still angry with Kakashi. The anger didn't leave him as he looked at the clock and realised that he'd been asleep for a woefully inadequate forty-five minutes. Then he nearly fell after tripping on more clothes that Kakashi had apparently dumped just outside the door. By this time, Iruka's headache had reached epic proportions and he was just about ready to do some serious damage to Kakashi - whatever he had to do to make him SHUT UP.

"Kakashi, would you please - what the _hell."_

The kitchen looked like a bomb had exploded in it, and knowing Kakashi, that wasn't out of the question. There was flour on the floor, and in the silence an egg dripped slowly down from the counter to form a sticky mess.

"I was going to make dinner," Kakashi offered guiltily.

Iruka rolled his eyes, then winced as pain shot from one temple to another.

"Kakashi, you couldn't cook if your life depended on it. Clean this up, we're ordering in."

Kakashi glared at him and said, "I can so cook. I cook all the time on missions and nobody complains."

Iruka pushed by him, heading for the top cupboard.

"Mission food and actual food are two things that are on different ends of the gastronomic scale, Kakashi. It's like picking up a rock and sticking it next to a diamond and saying they're the same. Maybe they could be described as vaguely similar.. but I know which one I'd rather have."

_Also_, he thought, _nobody would tell you they thought your food was bad. They're not suicidal_. He rummaged in the back of the cupboard, arms stretching to the very back, past various unused packets of things that neither of them liked. He brushed aside a packet of plasters. Iruka knew that they were in here somewhere..

"Kakashi, have you seen the paracetamol?"

Kakashi had turned back to whatever mixture was in the pan - it certainly didn't look like food to Iruka - and said something under his breath.

"Speak UP, Kakashi," Iruka said irritably. Kakashi turned sharply towards him and, entirely too loudly, making Iruka's head throb, said,

"I _said_ I had the last of the packet when I came in earlier today."

Iruka stared at him, then began to laugh.

"Well that is just fucking typical of you, isn't it?"

Kakashi's eyebrows raised and he pulled his mask down. Iruka could see that there was a small cut on the high part of his left cheek, just underneath his covered eye.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. He sounded calm, but Iruka knew better. His one visible eye was narrowed and his mouth twisted slightly. Iruka just shook his head and stepped close to Kakashi.

"You don't even get it. I came in from work today, tired, having had the worst day EVER, and I had to clean up _your_ shit. You left dirty footprints everywhere, you didn't clean up after yourself, you used the last of the toilet paper and didn't put a new one in, but worst of all? You used all the milk. The fucking _milk_, of which there was a new carton in the freezer, which you could have taken out and defrosted for me. But you didn't. You just put the empty carton back inside the fridge, like I wouldn't notice or something. So I get home and want some tea and I can't have it, so I go for a shower and have to clean up your shit - I can't even take a piss without running around after you - and the bed that I try to take a sleep in is covered with your clothes, too. And now - now I can't even take a pill for my headache, which, by the way, feels like someone has sawed off the top of my head, taken my brain out, had Gai pummel it into submission, stuck a Goddamn kunai into it and plopped it right back in there to torment me. Because you had the last one. So why don't you tell me how it is typical of you, Kakashi? You're the one who's fucking me about, and I've had just about enough."

_Crack._

Iruka raised his hand slowly to his cheek. Kakashi had slapped him.

"What the fuck. What the _FUCK_."

Iruka stared at him, rage boiling beneath his thin veneer of calm. He stepped a little closer to Kakashi, so that they were almost nose-to-nose. He spat at him.

After that, everything moved very quickly. Kakashi struck at Iruka, kicking his legs out from under him, but Iruka grabbed his shirt, dragging him down too, scratching him. They struggled for a second, locked, grappling. Iruka managed to roll them over and he straddled Kakashi, relishing the slap he gave him. It wasn't as heavy as a punch, but a slap made a more satisfying noise, and the sting across his palm was almost a heady feeling. He bared his teeth at Kakashi, growling as the other man managed to flip them once more, leaning heavily on Iruka's wrists to stop another slap. Iruka bucked wildly under Kakashi, trying to dislodge him, but Kakashi just smirked down at him.

"You bastard - I _hate_ you!" Iruka hissed, trying to free his wrists.

Kakashi just leaned forward. Iruka realised what Kakashi was doing.

"Don't you fucking dare, Hatake. Don't you _dare_."

Kakashi grinned at him and pursed his lips, ready to spit. Iruka bit him.

"OW! Motherfucker-"

Kakashi's lip bled freely onto Iruka's face and as he lay there, Iruka felt utterly elated. Kakashi's lip curled. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Iruka's.

"You think you've won? You think you've _won?_"

He trailed his parted lips down from Iruka's temple to his lips. Iruka turned his face away, stubbornly refusing Kakashi a kiss, not realising that Kakashi wasn't looking to make up, but simply to even the score. He squirmed as he found that he couldn't stop Kakashi from pressing bloody lips to his cheek, then suddenly a hand was at his face, forcing him to look up, Kakashi's mouth was descending-

"Nngh!"

Iruka could feel the blood - mixed now, both his and Kakashi's - trickle down his chin. He licked his lips, iron flooding his mouth. His heart was beating loudly, drumming in his ears, and his chest rose and fell sharply. Kakashi was the same. Their eyes locked.

Kissing with blood in his mouth was at the same time one of the more disgusting kisses Iruka had had and one of the most erotic. He had one wrist free from where Kakashi had let go to force his face upwards and he curled his hand around Kakashi's neck, clawing downwards with his short nails. Kakashi let his other wrist go in favour of filling both his hands with Iruka's hair and yanking, making him groan and tilt his head back, exposing his neck.

"Iruka," gasped Kakashi. "Iruka, God damn you.."

Iruka was busy covering as much of Kakashi's skin with marks as he could. He pinched his side sharply, eliciting a groan and making Kakashi pull off his shirt. Iruka could feel his erection pressed against Kakashi's and he rocked upwards hard, shuddering.

"Still hate you," he growled, tugging hard on one of Kakashi's nipples.

"Fuck you," grunted Kakashi as he fumbled with the buttons of Iruka's pyjama shirt. He hissed in frustration and ripped it instead, immediately littering the skin with red-purple blooms. Iruka wriggled out of his trousers and dragged Kakashi's off too, pulling them down as far as he could and gripping the man's cock a little too hard. He tugged roughly, arching his back as Kakashi pulled sharp nails across the sensitive skin at the base of his spine and across his ass.

He felt Kakashi stretching up onto the counter for something, then suddenly there were cold, wet, slippery fingers thrusting into him, preparing him perfunctorily for Kakashi's dick, which pressed in almost immediately. He slammed backwards as soon as Kakashi seemed to hesitate, hearing the sudden gasp as he took Kakashi to the hilt and began rocking, pushing against the floor for leverage. He was panting, frustrated, and he shouted,

"Fucking - HARDER, Kakashi, I'm not some china doll! I'm not a fucking _CIVILIAN!_ FUCK ME LIKE YOU _WANT_TO, YOU STUPID-"

Kakashi kissed him roughly, so roughly their teeth clicked slightly and Iruka bit him again. Not hard enough to bleed, but the warning made Kakashi lift Iruka's hips off the floor, made him toss Iruka's legs over his shoulder, made him fuck Iruka like he'd never fucked him before. Iruka scraped his nails down Kakashi's back, then ran them back up to slide through Kakashi's hair, pulling roughly. Kakashi tilted his head to one side and Iruka was so close, so close already, and Kakashi thrust into him again and again and when Iruka came he bit down so hard on Kakashi's neck, just beneath his ear, that he could actually feel, against his tongue, Kakashi's yell of pleasure-pain as he orgasmed inside Iruka.

That was when Iruka blacked out.

Iruka woke the next day still with a killer headache. He rolled over with a whimper, then a groan as his ass protested wildly against any such movement, thank you very much.

He reached out for the clock on the side table with his eyes closed, but opened them when his fingers hit something hot.

"Teacup?"

He sat up, opening the note on the table that was wedged between the hot tea and a packet of extra-strength paracetamol.

_Iruka,_(it read)

_I'm really sorry for last night. I'm sorry for just now, too, but I can't do anything about that. I really would rather apologise in person, but I've been called away on another mission. I'll be back late tomorrow night, and I hope you'll still be waiting for me._

_I do love you, no matter what I might have said. And I think you love me too. I got you the week off, so don't go in to school tomorrow. Just enjoy your free day - do_not_do ANY cleaning or cooking. Go out for lunch, order yourself in some dinner, do exactly what you promise yourself you will do if you ever actually have a free day, but never do…_

_That made no sense, but you know what I mean._

_I'll be back as soon as I can._

_I love you._

_~Kakashi (henohenomoheji)_

Note: "Plasters" - putting a plaster on something is the same as putting a bandaid on it. I'm Scottish, do forgive me.

This was written for this kinkmeme prompt:

_kink: rough, angry sex_

_Usually when one is angry, his/her physical appearance changes. Some may even act violently towards something or someone, but that's not exactly what I'm looking for... But it's near._

_Kakashi and Iruka argue over something. I don't care if it's some stupid reason ("You forgot to buy milk! AGAIN!") or something actually serious, it's up to you.  
But what I would reaaally want, is established relationship and arguing which leads to angry sex. And by angry sex I DO NOT mean rape. I mean sex, which is sharp, raw, forceful, rough and full of hate/anger ("Fuck you, I hate you" etc.)._

_I don't mind if there's some little bitch-slapping or something before sex, but please no beating up, raping or that kind of violence. Though I would love biting, pulling hair and so on. Let's say nothing too forced, okay?  
And please, no blushing or oh-I'm-so-helpless-uke! -things, I would like it if they both were domineering and somewhat forceful._

_I don't care if it's KakaIru or IruKaka, I swing both ways with this. 8) And I'm a sucker for fluffy, so I wouldn't mind finding some of that in the end. *hinthint!* Since it's established relationship, they still love each other even though they work off their anger that way._

I hope I gave the OP what she wanted! (also thanks to anon who nudged me to say "OI! You're late with the story!". I wouldn't have done it without you ^^)

I actually have a bunch of stories that were written before this ready to upload, I'm just taking my sweet time. I'll try to have them all done tonight so that you darlings can have a nice ficdump (and maybe reward me with some reviews? I'm going to put up my submission to the Kakairu WinterFest thingy, which is the longest story I've ever written, ever. Which is awesome, if I do say so myself.)

SO MANY COMMAS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


	7. Can't Get Enough

THIS IS SO NOT WHAT THE OP WAS LOOKING FOR. ^^; I totally forgot what I was writing in the middle of this. I was so going for like, semi-public bathroom sex because Iruka_ just can't _hold it in, but this monstrosity happened instead AND WHY IS IT ALL IN THIS WIERD TENSE? IDEK.

* * *

When Kakashi pulls off the eyepatch, Iruka doesn't think much of it at first, apart from a slight annoyance that the movement makes Kakashi break the rhythm of his thrusts. He does that sometimes, when Iruka makes a particularly lust-ridden face - whips out the sharingan and memorises it so as to add it to the personal Iruka-porn collection in his head. And when Kakashi whispers to him that he wants to try something, Iruka just looks straight into his eyes and says that Kakashi can go right ahead. He trusts Kakashi's skill with that eye of his - or rather not of his.

The sex they have using the genjutsu is the best Iruka's ever experienced. Kakashi seems to be pulling all his most secret fantasies out of his head and making them happen, and it is the best thing to happen to Iruka ever. Ever ever ever.

His last thought before orgasming (and promptly passing out) is that the world would be a wonderful place if he could only feel like this all the time.

* * *

The next morning when Iruka wakes up with a raging hard-on, he doesn't think much of it, either. Sure, he's a little surprised to find he's so ready to go after what they'd gotten up to the previous night, but shrugs it off as his wonderful youthful virility, or something. Gai would probably know why, Kakashi muses, and is immediately smacked with a pillow for mentioning Gai - _of all people!_ - while giving Iruka a handjob.

Iruka is almost - _almost_ being the operative word - late for school. Konohamaru is practically swinging from the lights and when Iruka storms in he whips round guiltily from where he was poised to draw all over Iruka's desk. The permanent marker is removed from his possession and Iruka informs the class that because Konohamaru wants to draw they can all spend the day drawing - drawing graphs, that is. He then lets them know (with a hint of teacherly retribution) that the day was originally going to be spent outdoors practising kunai-throwing. The class groan with disappointment and, as one, glare at Konohamaru.

By morning break, Iruka is thanking Konohamaru in his head for giving him a reason to be sat behind his desk all day. The erection from this morning has returned and Iruka has been daydreaming vividly about his and Kakashi's exploits the previous night. Once the children leave, he stands and makes his way quickly to the teacher's bathroom, located nicely ten feet from his room. Once inside he finds a cubicle and jacks off roughly, imagining Kakashi on his knees in front of him, lips stretched around his dick, head bobbing…Iruka bites his lip and does his best to make no noise whatsoever and when he comes, it is so hard he gets slightly dizzy. Once the high has faded, however, he realises what he has done - masturbating in school! Iruka is sickened; this could get him kicked out if anyone knew.

On his way back down the corridor to the classroom he is accosted by the school's nurse, a retired medical ninja. She decides at once that Iruka is looking "peaky" and "off-colour", and tells him to go home at _once!_ He protests, but she just bustles off to his classroom, saying that she is sure she can find someone free who can take the class and that Iruka should just get himself on home, the poor dear. Iruka just sighs and does as he is told.

* * *

The walk home is slightly surreal. Iruka feels very odd, as though tingling all over, and try as he might, he cannot stop thinking about what happened in bed the previous night. The more he tries not to dwell on it, the worse the tingling becomes, until it is centred in his groin. He decides not to walk through the streets and instead runs over the rooftops to get home, his penis uncomfortably hard in his regulation trousers. He tumbles through his bedroom window, straight onto the bed and Kakashi, who is lying naked, teasing himself with light touches. Iruka stares. His lover's whole body is flushed a delicate pink colour, apart from his cock, which is darker and dripping pre-come. Kakashi already has evidence of earlier masturbatory sessions striped across his chest and as Iruka quickly unzips his trousers and shrugs off his vest, Kakashi comes again, splattering his semen on his belly and hand. Iruka watches as he licks it off, and idly wraps a hand around his own dick, pulling and twisting his hand to increase his pleasure.

His head is still spinning, now more than ever, and as Kakashi leans closer it feels like he has been wrapped in thick cloth. He is hot, and his movements are slow - Kakashi's eyes are half lidded and he is moving oddly too, but when he grips Iruka's cock too, Iruka feels like the world moves from slow-motion to fast forward. He drags off his clothes as fast as he can and clings to Kakashi as their hands slide over each other, caressing and pinching at known hot-spots. Their teeth click together as they kiss as deeply as they can. Iruka feels like he is melting into Kakashi, but at the same time still feels very odd, as though he's not quite aware of what is happening other than the fact that it feels good.

When he next comes to his senses he is on his back, knees pressed into his chest and Kakashi pounding roughly into him. Iruka is shocked - he cannot remember how this came to happen and he cannot stop himself from moaning and jerking his dick. Suddenly Kakashi lets out a loud gasp above him and Iruka feels the familiar hot sensation in his ass - he shudders pleasurably and picks up the pace. Looking down he notices his chest is already splattered with a large amount of come in various stages of wetness, but before he can think any more his back arches and he comes again, but the high just doesn't end. Iruka pants, head spinning as he catches sight of the clock.

6:25.

Iruka freezes. He can feel Kakashi quivering, his muscles exhausted from the adrenaline and whatever else has been going on - are they drugged? - and with a great effort, pushes him away from his body. His erect dick slides out of Iruka painfully and he winces, but the pain is just what he needs. His head is clearer and he rolls Kakashi over and checks his eye to see if the pupil is blown. The uncovered sharingan spins lazily.

Fuck, Iruka thinks. Fuck and fuck. Kakashi's chest is rising and falling rapidly under his palm and Iruka kneels by the side of the bed, trying to ignore the way his penis is pressed between his stomach and the sheets. Kakashi turns his head towards him and Iruka tells him what he thinks is wrong. Slowly, Kakashi nods and sits up, attempting to figure out what went wrong in their orgasmic fun-times the previous evening. Suddenly he jerks Iruka's face towards his and Iruka stares - with great trepidation - into his lover's eyes.

Suddenly the world snaps back into place. Iruka sits up and enquires calmly of his partner something along the lines of 'what the fuck was that?' Kakashi just looks at him - with one eye - and shrugs.

* * *

THA EEEEEEEEEND.

Or is it? *dun dun duuuuuuun*

I'm sorry, OP. I ruined your amazing prompt. *cries like an emo kid*


	8. Jingle Bells

_Jingle Bells_

(This was written sometime in 2005, I think. Yes, I'm only just posting it now. DON'T JUDGE MEEEEE~)

_For Ciara/Araic, who gave the prompt "Iruka walks in on Kakashi and Gai doing something wierd, and…"_

_Cos I luffs her._

_MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!! (yeah, it's VERY late. I know. Maybe it's just a really early present for this year's Christmas.)_

* * *

When Iruka got home early from the missions desk that night, he was in quite a good mood.

It didn't last.

There were blue and green baubles from his Christmas tree strewn across the floor, and he had to step carefully to avoid various pieces of wrapping paper and sticky-tape that littered the hall. He could hear a rumble of voices – one a deep, booming baritone and the other a slightly lighter pitch, and he automatically tried to match the voice to the face. Unfortunately, he came up with two people who had been in his life far too often these days.

_Maito Gai._

_Hatake Kakashi. _

_Why, God? Why?_

Iruka steeled himself, putting on his best I AM A SENSEI AND I AM DISPLEASED face. He filled his lungs for the voice to match and slammed the door open, striding in and yelling,

"WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON…in..here…"

Kakashi was lying on the floor, with Gai straddling him. Both wore expressions of terminal annoyance (as far as Iruka could tell, of course, with that mask in the way) and almost immediately after he finished his shout, they both whined at him in petulant tones,

"He started it!"

Iruka ignored them. He was too busy staring at Kakashi, who was topless. Or rather, he was wearing bits of a shirt, mainly around his shoulders and neck. It was rather like someone had ripped it off him, backwards. Violently.

_Mask wasn't affected, though. Shame._

He wasn't just topless, though. Some kind person had wrapped him up for Iruka. In ribbons. Silk ribbons. Blue ones.

How nice.

Iruka was aware, in the same way that he was aware that the sky was blue and water wet, that his thought processes were becoming ever more fixated on how eminently edible the silver-haired man looked lying there.

He took a step forward, closed the door and turned to Gai, who looked quite frightened.

"Explain."

* * *

Kakashi and Gai met outside Iruka's apartment. It was the best thing to do, as the man wouldn't be home for another two and a half hours, and they could have their challenge in privacy.

They jutsu'd inside, narrowly avoiding all the nasty little traps Iruka had set up, and settling themselves in the lounge. Gai grinned widely at Kakashi, light sparkling off his teeth as he announced,

"Now, my Eternal Rival!! Let us begin our Challenge!!"

Kakashi had already whipped out his porn. Gai's face flushed.

"Aaah!! SO COOL!!"

The challenge - or rather, "Challenge!" – was to find the perfect Christmas present for Iruka. The person whose present he liked best was then to ask him out, take him on an expensive dinner-date and ravish him.

Not that Gai would ever ravish the Beautiful Iruka-sensei if he didn't want him to, of course, but he rather suspected that Kakashi would just go for it and ignore any protests.

However, there was no need to worry about that, as his Gift was Wonderful in Every Respect!! There was no way Kakashi could beat it. He smiled, his teeth glinting, as he lifted the tiny box out of his pocket. He hadn't wrapped it yet, so that Kakashi could see what was inside it, and he lifted the present out and waved it in his face.

"Aha!! Beat this, Kakashi!"

Kakashi stared at the pieces of card being thrust at him and took them, reading the elaborate gold script.

"Tickets to go and see a dolphin show?"

Gai sparkled.

"Yes indeed!! For what else, except Dolphins for a Dolphin?"

Kakashi winced.

"It's a nice thought, Gai, but I'm not sure.."

"Don't be ridiculous, Kakashi!! He'll love it!!"

Kakashi just sighed and settled on the floor.

"Well, my present is kind of like tickets, but I got him other stuff too."

Kakashi'd known Iruka was partial to going to the baths, and so had reserved the outdoor hot baths in the posh part of Konoha. This meant two things: one, the baths were reserved and so nobody who didn't have a ticket could get in, and two, there were two tickets and Iruka might just _possibly_ invite him.

Alone. With Iruka. In a romantic setting.

Ahh, it was like Icha Icha #3, when Junya and Ami went swimming and-

Unfortunately, Gai broke the mood by yelling,

"YOSH!! I must wrap my Wonderful Present for Iruka, and if my wrapping is not prettier than yours then I will be the one to pay for the dinner-date, no matter who goes on it!"

After that, Kakashi just blocked him out. His presents – the reservations, a bottle of very expensive saké and some even more expensive chocolates – were already wrapped, so he only had to sit and watch Gai fiddle with the tiny box, scanning his porn for the good bits and ignoring any plot that popped up. He preferred other things popping up, to be honest – he'd rather have penis than plot, which was boring. Gai noticed him reading, and gave him his sternest look, which wasn't very.

"The Fair and Chaste Iruka would not like you reading that inside his house, Rival! You should train instead!!! I'm sure I have extra weights somewhere-"

"Gai," Kakashi interrupted, "I'm pretty sure the 'Fair and Chaste' sensei has probably got his own stack of porn somewhere – actually, he seems the type to write it. I wonder.."

Gai gaped at him for a second, then drew himself up. It was a testament to his height that even though Kakashi was on the sofa and he on the floor, they were almost at the same eyelevel.

"Rival!! You must not speak of Iruka in that way!! He would never have something like that book inside his home, and he would certainly not write things like it! I must ask you to stop saying these things, or you may sully the sensei's good name!"

Kakashi was interested now. Iruka really did seem like the type to write down his fantasies in story form, and he really wanted to read some. He stood, and made for the door to the hall and Iruka's room.

"I'm gonna go see where he keeps his porn. Be right back, Gai OH GOD-"

Gai had tackled him from behind, catching him around the waist and slamming him into the floor. He rolled over angrily, attempting to push the Green Beast off him, but Gai kept him immobile.

"What the fuck, Gai! Are you trying to kill me?"

Gai looked at him and said seriously,

"Don't go into his bedroom."

Kakashi's hip was pressing uncomfortably into the floor and he kicked Gai hard on the ankle, attempting to get away without damaging Iruka's carpet. He could have jutsu'd away, but it would have scorched the weave, and if they struggled too hard, they could put a hole in the floor. Eventually after another few rough kicks, he went limp, hoping that Gai would let him up. No such luck.

"Seriously, Kakashi. Don't go in there unless he invites you in. I know you're sometimes not the best with social stuff, but someone's bedroom is kind of off-limits to other people until they're invited in. Don't go in."

And wasn't this all just making Kakashi all the more interested…he twisted oddly and was free of Gai's slightly lax grip in less than a second, he was up and across the hall, his shirt ripping from his back as Gai grasped at it desperately, he was reaching for the knob, he was turning it, and entering triumphantly into Iruka's… bathroom. Because the bedroom was next door. He hung his head in defeat and was concentrating so hard on how utterly idiotic he was that he only noticed Gai tying him up when he was almost completely covered in blue ribbon. He wondered if he was losing his touch and decided that today was just an off day. Squirming, he almost managed to sit up before Gai sat on him, and had just taken a massive breath to begin yelling at him again when Iruka walked through the door.

* * *

"So," said Iruka, still staring at the scraps of skin visible through the ribbon, "um, I guess I better pick one of you.."

"Yosh!"

"Um. Yeah. So.. do I judge you by your presents? Or by looks...or what?"

Gai, still seated on Kakashi, beamed at Iruka. "By our presents!"

Beneath him, Kakashi made a muffled noise that might have been a suggestion to choose by looks, but then again may just have been an entreaty for Gai to _get off now, can't breathe_.

Iruka frowned, and said quietly, "I'm sorry, Kakashi. Gai wins."

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+TWO WEEKS LATER+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Kakashi smiled down at Iruka, nose crinkling as the tanned man kissed his cheek and ran off, waving. Tugging his mask up, he wandered down the road towards the Missions room, thanking his lucky stars that Gai had tied him up like that. Who'd have thought the prim and proper sensei was a bondage freak? It was a shame he hadn't won the contest - the score now stood 107-106 in Gai's favour - but Gai deserved the win. After all, wrapping him up in ribbons and giving _him _as a present along with those dolphin tickets had been... well, inspired. And Iruka knew that it was Kakashi he really wanted - of course Gai had won.

"My rival! How was your time in the onsen with Fair Iruka?"

Kakashi turned, ready to tell him what had happened at the hot-springs and after, but that's a story for another time...

* * *

The endzorz, lulz!

I waaaaaav yoo Ciara!

Yeah, I ran out of inspiration at the end. Yeah, I suck. I know.


	9. The Whole Story

_THE WHOLE STORY~ _

_WRITTEN FOR INKSHEDDINGS ON THE KAKAIRU LIVEJOURNAL COMMUNITY _

_FOR THE FIRST EVER KAKAIRU WINTERFEST_

* * *

Genma handed a mission report to Iruka, who smiled at him.

_Fucker,_ thought Kakashi bitterly, then _Goddamnit._

He reminded himself that he had promised himself that he wasn't going to act like this anymore and silently apologised to Genma.

_Iruka isn't _yours_, Kakashi, he's obviously going to smile at other people. And if you keep acting like this, it's no wonder he doesn't smile at you, too._

It wasn't that Iruka hated Kakashi - that would have been preferable, at least he would have felt something - it was more like he barely saw him. Just another Jounin passing through. He shifted minutely, passing his weight from one foot to another.

_This is getting ridiculous. I wish I'd never noticed him._

Kakashi leaned forward, tossed a report -perfectly written, he hated having to do things twice- down on some random chuunin's desk and left with a puff of smoke.

* * *

Iruka was aware of a tingling on the back of his neck.

_He's here. Again._

He smiled up at Genma, slightly distracted.

_Seriously, Kakashi. I'm only a chuunin, but did you honestly think I wouldn't notice? I'm not stupid._

He filed the report and in the middle of doing so, felt the tingle vanish. He looked over at where Kakashi had been standing.

_Gone. Typical. I never get to ask him what the fuck he thinks he's doing-_

Iruka realised there was a queue forming at his desk, and pushed Kakashi out of his brain.

For now.

* * *

It was about six weeks before the chuunin exams. Kakashi wandered in to the missions office, dead tired and just wishing that the mission had been a tiny bit easier. He had to teach those kids tomorrow, after all, and he drew the line at being more than five hours late. Well... maybe six hours.

He strolled up to the desk. There was a young blonde man there and he took the scroll and stamped it without even looking at what it said. Kakashi was a little surprised.

"Hey! Did you just do what I think you just did?"

Kakashi turned. Behind him was another young man - this one was an older young man, if that made any sense, which Kakashi was sure it didn't. Anyway, this older-younger-whatever the fuck Kakashi was thinking about-man was nearer Kakashi's age than the other one. He looked angry.

_Is he mad at me? What did I do? _thought Kakashi fuzzily. The young man - the older one, not the younger one - walked past Kakashi, and leaned over the desk. He was berating the young- the _desk chuunin, _goddamnit - for not sorting through Kakashi's report properly.

The desk chuunin looked stunned. His expression was rather deer-in-headlights as he frantically retrieved Kakashi's report from where he had filed it-

"And you filed it in the wrong place! Jun, how many times do I have to explain the process to you? Honestly, you've been here for nearly a month and you still can't do this? You're not making any effort!"

Kakashi felt himself wobble. He reached out to the desk, but misjudged the distance, his fingertips skimming the edge. He waited for the floor to catch him - he refused to think of it as falling over - when he was caught by the back of his flak jacket and dragged onto a chair. A hand checked his pulse and he heard someone mutter something about stupid jounin who had no sense of when to give up. He was hoisted into someone's arms in a rather uncomfortable position. There was a sensation of movement and then a smell of antiseptic.

_The hospital.._

Kakashi felt himself be lifted again, this time into a bed. There were various lines put into his arm and he was injected with some chakra-replenishing liquids.

The last thing he heard was "Thanks for bringing Hatake-san to the hospital, Iruka-san. He always overdoes it."

When he woke up, he still remembered the name.

* * *

Iruka rolled over in bed, thwacking the alarm clock sharply. He was getting up early today because there would be a class weapons test later that day and he had to prepare the materials for it, but he was even more tired than usual.

_Stupid jounin. Stupid stupid me._

He'd had to take a jounin to the hospital last night. That by itself wouldn't have taken so long, but there had been an old student of his working there who had asked for help with some filing, knowing he was good at working things like that out. He sighed.

_I just can't resist a student. They all still treat me like their sensei, I feel like if I didn't help them I wouldn't be doing my job.._

He hadn't gotten home until three am, and here he was wakening at six am for school starting at eight. He dragged himself unwillingly out of his warm, comfortable bed and made a beeline for the bathroom. A shower would help, surely…

The shower didn't help. Neither did the slice of toast he managed to eat before feeling too queasy to eat more.

_Now I know why I don't wake up earlier every day. If this is what waking up this early feels like, I never want to do it again. It was never like this when I was younger.._

Iruka considered the fact that what he'd just thought meant he was now old, then dismissed the idea. As far as he was concerned, old was for other people.

As he walked to the school, his mood lifted. It was a beautiful day - perfect for the weapons test - and as Iruka entered the staffroom to various calls of _hello,_ _hi, _and _good morning, Iruka, _he forgot that he'd ever been annoyed with the Jounin Hatake Kakashi.

That was, until six weeks later.

* * *

The Chuunin exams were a kind of explosion of rage for both of them, although Kakashi hid his marginally better. He was at once angry that this man - this Chuunin! - was daring to stand up to him, and impressed that he was doing so.

Kakashi had wondered what Iruka was like. He'd spoken to him once, about Naruto's progress towards making Chuunin and the other man had seemed pleasant. Quiet, and rather prone to blushing, too.. but now! Now he seemed so very _desperate,_ in a way. So unbelievably alive, so incredibly _there_.

Kakashi was angry that his judgement was being challenged, yes, but overshadowing that was a sort of awed disbelief of how Iruka didn't seem to care that he could beat seven kinds of shit out of him, didn't seem to care that by challenging Kakashi like this he could very well be making his life a living hell, didn't seem to care about anything except his students.

Kakashi was fascinated by Iruka. Completely obsessed with him. And Iruka?

Iruka, for all intents and purposes, didn't seem to care much about Kakashi at all. That wasn't to say he harboured any resentment towards him, on the contrary, Iruka had made it clear to Kakashi that he had thought it through, and that he now believed his actions at the chuunin exams to be… not wrong, exactly, but now that he had more information, he could see that they were certainly misinformed, and he hoped Kakashi could forgive him? And now that that little misunderstanding was put behind them, Iruka treated Kakashi just like everyone else.

Kakashi couldn't stand it.

* * *

Jun Gorou rubbed the bridge of his nose in a futile attempt to relieve the headache that was slowly building there. Umino Iruka had proved a tougher nut to crack than he'd originally thought. He'd attempted to open one of the higher ranked scrolls today, but before he even got halfway he'd had it yanked out of his hands with a sweet, "I'll take that, Jun-san." Honestly, he was making things so much more difficult than Jun needed. He was doing his best, but his Lord was getting restless.. he'd sent a message to him to best know how to get rid of this obstacle, telling him all he knew of Umino. His Lord had not failed to help him to get rid of him, giving Jun a plan to follow.

Jun had created a scroll that was seemingly sent from Snow country requesting Iruka and one other ninja to be sent as aid. The supposed sender of the scroll had children who had been kidnapped, and needed Iruka and a ninja that his master had left to Jun to decide to rescue them. Jun was a master forger, and flawlessly replicated the signatures that were needed for a scroll of this nature to have been processed. Now all that he needed to do was decide on Iruka's companion. He didn't really care who went and who stayed, but his master had told him to send a higher-ranked ninja. Jun supposed that the more of the high-ranked ninja they killed now, the weaker Konoha would be later, and once Umino and the jounin were in Snow country, his Lord would give them a nice welcome, a thought which filled Jun with pleasure.

The morning that Jun finally finished the scroll, he entered the missions room still unsure of the ninja he would send with Iruka. However, the chuunin himself was to give Jun the name he needed..

"Bloody jounin, like to give him a piece of my mind, always so rude, reading porn all the time, has the audacity to think it's _educational-_" Iruka cut his mutterings off when he noticed Jun standing there, giving him a wan smile and welcome. "Hello, Jun-san. Please don't mind me, I was just talking to myself."

Jun sat down next to Iruka, trying not to sound too eager. "Who's the jounin giving you so much trouble?"

Iruka glared at his papers. "That Hatake Kakashi. He's always hanging around me, watching me, but he never talks to me, and he does the weirdest things - like reading porn to my class of children! - and all he wants to do is annoy me." He rolled his eyes. "Honestly, it's like I've done something to insult him."

Jun smiled and said something calming, but his mind was only on the fact that his Lord would be very pleased with him.

* * *

Iruka woke earlier than normal that morning, a vague sense of foreboding settling over him like a mist, so he was awake for the knock at his door. He opened it, clad in all but his shirt, vest and sandals. Kakashi was standing there. Iruka regarded him suspiciously.

"…Yes?"

Kakashi shoved a half-unfurled scroll into his face, detailing a mission to Snow.

"And how does this involve me, exactly?"

Kakashi's grip on the scroll loosened, allowing Iruka to see, written in "Ninja Required", his own name. His jaw dropped, and he immediately shook his head.

"This is a mistake, I'm not on the active missions roster. The only way I'd be required for a mission is if-"

"If someone requested you, yes. They have," interrupted Kakashi flatly. "You are to be ready to leave by nine am, Umino. Meet at the front gates." He vanished.

Iruka shut the door and spent several minutes mentally flailing - he'd not been on a mission in a long time, he felt a certain amount of _holy shit _was required - then realised that no matter how early he'd woken, he was going to need all of the extra time to get things arranged. He winced at the thought of finding a replacement teacher this late in the term wondered who he would manage to get to do it.

_At least, _he thought, _I don't have to worry about who will run the missions desk._

Iruka arrived at the gate with ten minutes to spare, which he considered a minor miracle, despite the fact that he'd actually run around to get everything ready. He saw a small stall on a street corner and grabbed something to eat, gratefully wolfing down several sticks of dango and a cup of green tea. He paid and thanked the stall-owner, turning back to the gate and leaning his pack against it. He turned to look around, checking his watch.

"Ten oh-five," he muttered. "I can't believe they're late."

He didn't even know who'd be there, but he assumed other chuunin. They seemed the most likely for a mission like this, but then again, it might also be a single jounin in place of several chuunin. But if that were the case, why would Iruka be on the mission? He sighed and leaned against the wall, deciding that no matter who came on the mission with him, it didn't matter, because he was still going. He smiled to himself.

"This might actually be worthwhile," he said under his breath, not even daring to say the word 'fun'.

"Of course it's going to be worthwhile, Umino," said a very bored voice from in front of him. "We're going to rescue somebody's children, how could you think it would be anything less than worthwhile?"

Iruka looked up with a glare. "What do you mean, _we._"

Kakashi just shrugged, the heavy pack on his shoulder shifting. "You didn't think that they'd let you go on this mission alone, did you? I'm coming along to make sure you don't get yourself killed."

Iruka simply picked his pack up. "Well if you're coming, then let's go. We're already late thanks to you." He swept past Kakashi, ignoring him and exiting through the gate with not another word. If he'd looked back, however, he'd have seen Kakashi, rather unsubtly, kick himself.

* * *

_Goddamn this!_ Thought Kakashi wildly, strolling silently behind Iruka. _Well, if I wanted to make him hate me even more, I've managed it. I just want to be noticed by him - in a POSITIVE light - but all I do is piss him off._

He sighed and rummaged in his pocket for his book. This week the Icha Icha slipcover disguised the newest edition of a serial that was currently popular in Konoha, following the adventures of a young shinobi as he sought to redeem his family name. Kakashi enjoyed it, as it showed ninjas in a far more realistic light than most other novels. He flipped to the part where he'd finished last and buried his face in it. He didn't see Iruka looking behind him to see what Kakashi was up to.

"Oh honestly, is that thing the only book you read? That series is terrible."

Kakashi smiled into his book. Nobody knew - except maybe Gai, but that was to be expected - that Kakashi hadn't read Icha Icha in ages. He read them, sure, but they weren't all he read. He liked to keep people confused.

_But maybe.. _Kakashi's genius brain sparked an idea.

"No, actually. See?" he said in answer to Iruka's question, sliding the book out from the cover and handing it to him. Iruka caught it, then blinked at the cover.

_"Boy Shinobi_?You read that?_"_

Kakashi took the book back, sliding it inside the cover, shrugging. "I read lots of things. I admit I do read Icha Icha, but not all the time. I get bored pretty quickly with a book, to be honest. I brought three others, too."

Iruka regarded him with an odd look. "Really, now," he said. "Well.. could I borrow one?"

Kakashi's eye curved happily. "Sure!" he said, opening his pack and tugging the three books out. Iruka reached out and touched one.

"That's my favourite book," Kakashi said, then, unable to resist a quick dig, "Next to Icha Icha, that is."

Iruka rolled his eyes, but picked the book up. "I think I read this a long time ago, but I don't remember much of it. I remember liking it, though, because the main character was-" he reddened.

Kakashi decided that a blushing Iruka was much better than a glaring one, and thought that he would try his very best to put that blush onto Iruka's face as often as possible.

"Because the main character was… what?" he said, nudging Iruka gently. Iruka muttered something under his breath, but Kakashi leaned closer, cupping his ear as though he hadn't heard him. "He was what, Umino-san? I didn't quite catch that."

Iruka flipped the book to the first page, quite obviously ignoring Kakashi, who sighed and re-opened his book.

"It's a shame you won't tell me, Umino-san. I liked that book because the main character was gay," he said nonchalantly. "I liked the fact that he was portrayed as competent and manly while still liking other men. The author wrote that book well, I think. Don't you?"

Iruka nodded silently, still a little pink, and turned the page. Kakashi smiled and left him to read. They must have made a very odd image, he realised. Two Konoha shinobi, walking down a path.. both absorbed in books.

* * *

Iruka read the book in about three hours, eagerly devouring the well-written plot. He sighed as he finished it, making Kakashi look up from his book, which he had just begun to reread.

"Enjoy it, sensei?"

"I did," he said. "Do you know if this is a series? I'd like to read more when I get back to Konoha."

Kakashi shrugged. "I never thought to check, which is a pity. I'd like to read more of that author's writing, too." He marked the page in his book and slipped it back into his pocket. Iruka watched him curiously.

"Aren't you going to read anymore?"

Kakashi's eye curved at him again. "Nope. Now I'm going to quiz you! So, who is your favourite character?"

Iruka was a little taken aback, but answered anyway. "Probably the twins. I know that that's technically two characters, but they were so alike.. I liked how they were always ready to joke, but could also be serious when the time called for it. Who is your favourite character?"

Kakashi rolled his one visible eye - that was, Iruka could only see one eye roll. He assumed that Kakashi rolled them both - and said, "Isn't that obvious? I'd have thought you'd have realised it was Kanto."

Iruka shook his head. "No. Just because there's a slightly perverted character in the book doesn't mean that he has to be your favourite, does it?"

Kakashi shook his head disbelievingly. "Really, Umino-san. You'll see right through me if I'm not careful," he joked.

"Mmm," said Iruka. He was still a little suspicious of Kakashi. He seemed friendly now, but Iruka knew from experience that Kakashi could be unkind, even cruel. He handed the book back to Kakashi.

"Thank you very much for letting me read it. But if we want to catch the ship to Snow, shouldn't we be hurrying?" he said.

Kakashi looked at the sun's position. "I suppose," he said grudgingly. They both re-tightened their packs and put on some speed, jumping easily into the trees.

Iruka knew his legs weren't quite as long as Kakashi's, but he kept up with the jounin well enough. He wasn't sure if the other man was deliberately not running as fast as he could so that he didn't feel that he was too slow, but Iruka knew that he could run faster. He pushed a little chakra into his legs, helping his muscles work harder. He drew level with Kakashi, then pulled ahead of him. He heard the man say something, but didn't quite make it out. Kakashi came up beside him and gave him a nod. Iruka didn't know if he was being deliberately patronising or simply friendly, but decided to simply keep running.

It seemed like they'd only been running for a few minutes when they came upon the grassy fields that led up to the large seaport town. Iruka dropped to the ground, hearing Kakashi land lightly behind him, and began to walk towards the town. They had about an hour and a half or so before the ship began to board and as they neared the town, Iruka picked up on the smells of fish cooking.

"I'm hungry. Do you want to eat before we go on the ship?"

Kakashi nodded. "It would be best. The food they serve on these ships is.. well, let's just say it's not the best."

Iruka pointed to a small café, which had delicious smells wafting from it.

"In there, then."

* * *

The food was excellent. Various fish dishes, with simple sauces, and served quickly with a friendly smile. Kakashi was delighted to discover salt-broiled saury on the menu, with eggplant! He ordered quickly, Iruka choosing a dish of various different fish prepared different ways. His food arrived first, steaming hot, and he prepared himself for a meal full of dodging Iruka's attempts to see his face.

To his surprise, however, Iruka moved from his seat directly across from Kakashi and came to sit beside him at the long table. He angled himself so he was facing away from Kakashi and said, "I've heard Naruto describing how you eat. One day you'll choke, you know."

Kakashi was pleasantly surprised, but still wary. "You're not going to try to see my face?"

Iruka shook his head. "If you're hiding it, you're doing it for a reason. Why should I bother? You're obviously not going to let me see it."

Kakashi nodded, satisfied by this excuse, and lowered his mask to eat. Iruka's meal arrived a few minutes after; they both ate until they were full. Iruka sat back once he was done, and said, "Can I turn around now?"

Kakashi nodded absently, then realised Iruka couldn't see him and said, "Yeah, I'm done." Iruka turned to face him again, leaning past him to check the clock on the wall.

"We have about forty-five minutes left," he said. "Should we just make our way there? It's not like we have anything to do."

"Well," said Kakashi, "If we have that much time left we might as well drop into a bookshop and see whether they have the rest of that series or not. What do you think?"

Iruka looked at him sharply, as though he was trying to figure out if Kakashi was making fun of him, then nodded. They asked for directions from the shop owner and managed to find a small bookstore. The owner, a pretty young woman, pointed them towards the shelf where they could find the author's works. Iruka quickly picked out the next two in the series and paid for them.

"I heard from a couple of friends of mine that this series is really good. I hope you guys enjoy it!"

As they left, Kakashi heard her sigh, "What a cute couple.."

He saw Iruka freeze just ahead of him and thought that he might have heard her too, but the other man was just trying to fit both the books in his pack. Kakashi's pack was a little bigger than Iruka's, and he offered to carry one of the books. Iruka smiled at him gratefully and Kakashi felt himself go slightly pink under the mask.

_I wonder if we _do_ look like a gay couple.._

When they arrived at the docks, Iruka was shocked by the size of the ship. As they boarded he looked around in interest. Kakashi was amused at how curious he was, which Iruka noticed.

"I've never been on a ship this size," Iruka explained. "And I've never been on a long sea journey, either."

They handed over their tickets and were provided with keys and directions to their rooms. The corridors were long and richly carpeted, and the rooms were just as well furnished.

"I'm surprised that we're on such an expensive ship," remarked Iruka. "I didn't think that so much money would be spent on us for this mission."

Kakashi shook his head. "Usually we'd have had to walk, or take a different ship, but for this mission, time is of the essence. The more time we waste, the more likely it is that the children are injured or killed.. this ship is the fastest. It only takes a day to get to where we need to go, which is impressive. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a rest in my room. We might as well as take advantage of the facilities while we can. We probably won't be getting much sleep once we get there," he added, and, bidding Iruka goodnight, closed his door.

He crossed to the bed, taking off his shoes and flak jacket and settling down in the middle of it cross-legged. He breathed deeply, focusing on the mission, mentally reviewing everything that had happened that day and checking through it to see if there was anything suspicious that he'd missed. Having satisfied himself that there was nothing too unusual that had happened that day he lay back and allowed his mind to drift. Inevitably it came to settle on Iruka.

_Iruka.._

He was unsure of what was going on with Iruka. He knew he was interested in him, but the comment of the girl in the bookstore had pushed him to wonder whether he might be interested in quite another way.. his mind showed him things he hadn't even known he'd noticed. Iruka bending down to pick up his pack, displaying his taut ass quite nicely. The curve of Iruka's neck as he turned his head. The bright smiles that he sometimes gifted Kakashi with.

He found, however, that his brain kept going back to the image of Iruka that morning, not yet fully dressed and hair not pulled up into it's customary high ponytail, instead pulled away by a low band to fall behind Iruka's shoulders. He had obviously just showered, because his dark hair was still damp and there were tiny water-droplets still hanging from the tips. His arms had been crossed over his solid chest - his solid _bare_ chest - and he had stepped forward, uncrossed them and pulled Kakashi inside, smooth lips pressing against Kakashi's own, miraculously unmasked ones-

_Except that never happened and for the love of God I'm about to have a fantasy about the man sleeping next door to me - _

Kakashi sat upright, heart beating fast.

_This is probably not the best time for me to determine the fact that I am, in fact, very attracted to Umino Iruka, _he told himself. _In fact, it's probably a very very bad time indeed, due to the fact that we're on a mission together, alone, and he'd probably freak out if he realised. I mean, he doesn't like me very much. But then again, he'd probably like me better if I hadn't played all those tricks on him before… although reading porn to small children was hilarious, even though it wasn't porn. Even I'm not that weird. Anyway, I can't be attracted to him. For one thing, he's not attracted to me. For another, he'd probably be so wierded out if he found out I was attracted to him. So would Naruto, come to think of it.. and it's never going to happen between us anyway. _

Kakashi lay back again, determined not to fantasize about Umino Iruka's sexy body ever again. Of course, his brain had other ideas. As Kakashi fell deeper into sleep, images once more began to flicker in his mind's eye.

_Kakashi watched Iruka at the missions desk. He was smiling sweetly at everyone, and seemed to be in a good mood. Kakashi found himself stepping towards Iruka to hand him his report. Iruka took the report from him and scanned it, then looked up at Kakashi. _

_"This report is terrible! How dare you hand this in to me!" _

_Kakashi looked down at the report, which was perfect as usual. He tried to open his mouth to protest, but found he couldn't. Iruka continued, "Rewrite it and hand it in to me at my house tonight."_

_Kakashi left the missions room, and walked along the corridor. He opened the door to go outside, but it opened on to the corridor that Iruka's apartment was on. It was dark outside and Kakashi saw that he was holding another report in his hand. He knocked in Iruka's door and Iruka opened it almost immediately. Kakashi blushed. Iruka was standing there, just out of a shower, hair tied back behind his shoulders. All he wore was a small towel wrapped around his waist. Iruka took the report from Kakashi, who turned to leave, but Iruka stopped him. _

_"Don't leave, I haven't checked it yet."_

_Kakashi followed Iruka inside, eyes inevitably drawn to the curve of his ass, which peeked tantalisingly from the bottom of the barely-decent towel. Kakashi was so absorbed that he didn't hear Iruka talking to him. _

_"..kashi..Kakashi!"_

_Kakashi looked up guiltily. Iruka was glaring at him._

_"Did you hear a word I said?" Iruka asked, stepping closer to him. Kakashi shook his head, fascinated by the way Iruka seemed to prowl, catlike, towards him. Iruka finished up nearly toe to toe with Kakashi, the few inches height difference that was usually almost unnoticeable now causing him to look up slightly. Kakashi swallowed._

_"Are you.. distracted.. by me, Kakashi?" Iruka purred._

_Kakashi nodded hesitantly, then gasped as Iruka's hands unzipped his vest, sliding it over his shoulders to fall silently on the floor. There was no other noise apart from whatever noise Iruka made and his own heartbeat. Iruka slid hot palms beneath his shirt. Kakashi's heartbeat increased rapidly. He felt light-headed._

_"Do you want to touch me, Kakashi?"_

_Kakashi nodded again and pressed his hands against Iruka's chest, sliding one down to the barrier of the towel and allowing the other to tease Iruka's nipples to hardness. He could feel Iruka's breath against his neck and he felt one of the other man's hands moving up across his body to his face, where he tucked fingertips beneath his mask. Kakashi tipped his head back, pulling the mask off that way, leaving it pooled around his neck. He looked at Iruka, who pulled him down into a hot kiss. He stepped forwards and felt Iruka step back at the same time. They both fell onto a bed. Kakashi didn't know when they'd come to the bedroom, or when he'd suddenly become naked.. but he wasn't complaining._

_He pressed Iruka into the mattress, licking and nipping at anywhere that seemed sensitive. Iruka gasped beneath him, rocking his hips up into Kakashi's body. Kakashi moved down, tweaking the tiny towel off Iruka and grinning up at him lasciviously. He licked the tip of Iruka's dick, which was already half hard. Taking it into his hands he worked the length until it was fully erect, red and weeping. Then he slid it slowly into his mouth, tonguing the underside and sucking on the sensitive head. He moaned and Iruka let out a cry, his hands sliding into Kakashi's hair. Kakashi let one of his own hands move down to his own erection, pulling and tugging at his arousal. He sucked harder, enjoying the heady feeling of controlling Iruka by causing him pleasure. _

_He let Iruka's cock slide wetly out of his mouth and moved up over Iruka again, pressing their bodies together. He kissed Iruka deeply then sat up pulling him forward so that he was sitting on top of Kakashi. Iruka's face was flushed with arousal, the scar standing out in sharp relief. His eyes were half lidded and his pupils were large, making his already dark eyes seem even more so. Kakashi wrapped a hand around both of their arousals, allowing his head to drop forward onto Iruka's shoulder, nuzzling the soft skin and biting gently. He could hear Iruka making quiet noises, panting into Kakashi's ear. He was close to the edge and so was Kakashi, and he increased the pace of his hand. Suddenly he felt Iruka turn his head and whisper into his ear, _

_"Next time, I want you inside me."_

_Kakashi let out a low groan and his hand tightened involuntarily, pushing them both over the edge. He thrust upwards, kissing Iruka again, hearing his moans through the kiss. They both collapsed sideways, sticky and hot, panting heavily. Iruka rolled over sleepily into Kakashi's arms, and they both closed their eyes. Kakashi felt himself floating away.._

There was a loud knock at the door.

"Holy shit-" Kakashi rolled over and fell off the bed, only just managing to land awkwardly in a crouch. "Yeah?" he yelled, realising that, yes, he had just had his first wet dream in what was possibly forever and there was evidence of this _everywhere-_

"Can I have the book you put into your bag?"

Oh God, that was Iruka, _the man he'd just had an extremely wet dream about- _

"S-sure, I'll just get it!" he called back, dragging his trousers and underwear off and tossing them into a corner. _I wish I'd slept naked._

He retrieved the book from his bag and opened the door a crack to hand it out to Iruka, who looked both amused and concerned in equal measure.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Kakashi nodded rapidly. "Fine, fine. I was just about to go for a shower, though, so, you know…"

Iruka nodded, still looking oddly at Kakashi. "Sure. See you tomorrow, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi closed the door gratefully, then immediately went to shower. _Thank God for en-suites._

* * *

Iruka gazed at the book Kakashi had just handed him. "This isn't the right book," he said to himself. He thought about going back to Kakashi, but decided that it was best to leave him alone. He'd looked awfully distracted. _He looked like he'd just woken up, more like, _said another little part of his brain. _Who'd have thought that hair could have gotten any wilder?_

Iruka smiled and flicked open the book Kakashi had handed him. He might as well read this one instead.

He didn't get more than three chapters before putting the book down. It was very explicit and Iruka could feel the heat gathering in his groin from the descriptions of men bedding one another. He stood, leaving the book on the desk, trying to forget the illustration that he'd just seen, but it seemed burned into his brain, and he pressed his palms to his face in a futile attempt to erase it.

_That book seems to be very well read,_ said a traitorous part of his brain. _Kakashi must like it a lot, if he brought it with him on a mission. I wonder if he reads that one more than Icha Icha..of course, you know what this means, don't you?-_

"Why should I care," muttered Iruka under his breath. "So what if he's gay, that doesn't change anything-"

_Oh, yeah, because you don't think he's good looking at all. Sure, _mocked his mind. _Even you don't believe yourself, Iruka. Don't deny the fact that he has a fantastic ass. You've seen it yourself. You'd just love it if you _accidentally_ saw him naked, wouldn't you? Why don't you pop through there right now, he's probably finished his shower now, he'll be drying off. You could easily get in to change your book, maybe catch a glimpse-_

Iruka pressed his fingers to his temples, massaging them in hopes of erasing the insidious little voice, but he had no such luck.

_Who knows, Iruka. He might even be interested in you, after all he's always hanging around you-_

"That's just coincidence!" Iruka snapped. "I'm not thinking about this anymore." The voice retreated, but Iruka found himself still contemplating the book. "Oh, for heaven's sake," he muttered, picking it back up and opening it. _I'll read it anyway, _he thought. _I've got nothing else to do._

* * *

Kakashi towelled his hair roughly, glaring at the soaked trousers and underwear that he'd washed in the shower. He just knew that they would still be a little damp tomorrow, but there was nothing he could do about it. He pulled on another pair of underwear from his pack and pulled out the book he knew would be there. _Might as well relax with a classic_, he reasoned, and, leaning back on the bed, flipped open the book.

_This…isn't the book I'm looking for._

He got up again, searching through the pack. He pulled out the book he'd been reading that day, another one that Asuma had recommended, and.. Iruka's new book.

_Crap._

He sat back on his heels and wondered if Iruka had read the book yet.

_Well, if he didn't know that I'm interested in guys, he does now, _he thought wryly, and chose another of the books to read instead, raising it towards the wall that separated his room and Iruka's, in a kind of toast. _Enjoy the porn, sensei._

Kakashi woke the next day with the book still in his hand. He'd fallen asleep while reading, and he had to stretch out the various aches in his muscles from sleeping in a weird position. It was about twelve in the afternoon, and he was a little surprised by how long he'd slept. Pulling on the trousers, which, as he'd thought, were still slightly damp, he made a face and went to make sure Iruka was ready to go.

He knocked on the door, and after a few seconds Iruka answered.

"Yes?"

"The ship will be in harbour in an hour or so. We've made good time. I just came to make sure you were all packed- hey, are you okay?"

Iruka looked tired and rather irritable.

"Yes, I'm fine. I look like this because I was up half the night because of YOU and your stupid BOOK-" Iruka thrust the book into Kakashi's chest, "-which is ridiculously well written, and if I were to describe it in one word, it would be unputdownable. Now go away. Yes, I'm packed, and now I'm going to have as long a nap as possible. Ok?"

Kakashi backed away. "Sure, sure. I'll waken you when we have to go."

Iruka just shut the door. Kakashi smiled down at the book.

"I forgot how awesome this book is when you first read it.."

* * *

Iruka was still a little tired as they left the ship, but the brisk wind that slapped against his face as he left the lee of the ship woke him up far better than any amount of caffeine could. He shivered and said to Kakashi, "Is it always this cold? I've never been to Snow, but, I mean, I'd assume so.."

Kakashi's eye curved at him. "Yeah, and it's only going to get colder from here on out. First order of business is getting some winter cloaks and shoes."

Kakashi led him to a clothes shop where they bought thick cloaks of sheep's wool and boots that kept the snow out. Iruka felt a little uncomfortable in his, as he'd never worn shoes that fully covered his feet, but Kakashi assured him he'd quickly get used to it, and that it was much better than getting frostbite. Instead of paying for the boots, they instead swapped their shoes for them. Apparently this was the accepted method, and they'd probably get their own shoes back when they finished their mission and returned the boots.

As they stepped back out into the chill air Iruka was grateful for the warmer clothes.

"Where do we go now?" he asked Kakashi, who consulted the mission scroll.

"We're to head north," he said. "There's a small village there, which is where the children were last seen. We'll split up there, ask around amongst the villagers if they know anything, then search for the kids. They've been missing over a week, so the quicker we are the better," he finished, rolling the scroll back up and tucking it into a pocket. Iruka nodded and they both turned towards the north, launching into a run.

The wind quickly turned Iruka and Kakashi's exposed skin red and sore. About an hour into the run, Kakashi signalled a stop. He dug in his pack and pulled out a soft scrap of material, tossing it to Iruka who stared at it, confused.

"This is one of your masks.. why are you giving it to me?"

Kakashi shrugged. "The less skin you have out the better. Wind burn can be really sore, so if you wear one of my masks it'll be better for you."

Iruka nodded and tugged it over his head, knocking his ponytail askew. He tucked the bottom of the mask into his shirt and fixed his hair, then looked at Kakashi. "Thanks. Ready to go?"

Kakashi seemed amused by the sight of Iruka in a mask but nodded his assent, once again swinging his pack onto his back. As the wind once again hit his face, Iruka realised that the mask helped a lot, the threads channelling the air away from his face. He smiled underneath it, the soft material making his lips feel odd, then wondered what Kakashi did when he had to sneeze. He made a disgusted face at the image it conjured up and decided he'd ask Kakashi at the next opportunity.

After another hour or so the village appeared on the horizon. Iruka had had a little difficulty running on the snow, which wasn't packed as tightly as it needed to be for it to support a man. He experimented with various levels of chakra, fluctuating the amount he exuded from his feet, finally finding the method that worked best. Instead of pushing the chakra out of the soles of his feet and downwards into the snow, he instead pushed it out and sideways, strengthening the snow around his feet long enough to support him in his run. He was pleased with himself for finding the solution and as he managed to catch up with Kakashi he saw the other man give him a thumbs up. Iruka stuck his tongue out, forgetting that he was wearing a mask, but Kakashi seemed to see it anyway, judging by his laughter. Iruka shook his head and looked up to see the village only a few minutes away. As they arrived the snow thinned until there was only a solid, hard-packed layer that was suitable for walking on without chakra. Iruka and Kakashi entered the village, grateful for the small amount of shelter the houses gave from the wind. Iruka pulled down his mask immediately, scrunching up his face to get rid of the odd sensation. Kakashi pointed to the left.

"I'll go that way and ask anyone I can find, maybe knock some doors. You see if there's a pub or something, somewhere people might congregate. Meet me back here in, oh, about an hour and a half, okay?"

Iruka nodded, replacing the mask, and sped off, looking around for signs of life. The streets seemed deserted, and he only found the bar by following the most well-trodden path. He opened the door to a rowdy room filled with men and women who all turned to face him. He felt incredibly exposed as everyone stared at him. He tugged down the mask and raised a hand in a greeting gesture.

"Ah, hello.. I hope you don't mind me being here?"

A large man got up from the bar and crossed the room to stand before Iruka.

"What do you want here, shinobi?" he growled. Iruka smiled personably up at him.

"A beer, hopefully. And perhaps some information about the missing children? I'm here about the kidnapping."

The man's glare lessened, but he still didn't move.

"No kidnappings here. Not for a long time," he said, shaking his head. Iruka shrugged.

"Well, can I have a beer anyway? Or maybe something hot.. I'm not used to the cold."

A young woman strode up beside Iruka, crossing her arms across her ample chest.

"You leave the poor man alone, Nobiki! Let him have a drink." She steered Iruka across the room to the bar, and the room slowly filled with noise again. She moved to be behind the bar and smiled kindly at him. "What'll it be? If you're looking for something hot, there's always the apple cider. It's best when it's hot."

Iruka nodded, gratefully accepting the thick clay mugful of cider. He took a mouthful and his eyebrows rose.

"Strong, ain't it," said the handsome man sitting next to him. "I'm surprised you didn't cough."

Iruka grinned at him. "I can hold my alcohol pretty well, I'll have you know. I'm Umino, by the way. Is it true that there's been no kidnappings around here?"

The man nodded. "My name's Reikoku. And yeah, there's been no kidnappings in this area in years… what children were kidnapped?"

"The man was called Midaku, and his children were called Ai and Aoi, one girl and one boy. Are you sure you've never heard of them before?" Iruka asked.

Reikoku looked thoughtful. "Now that you mention it… I used to know where they had a holiday house. I can take you there, if you like?"

Iruka stood, draining the mug and leaving some coins on the bar. They went out into the cold, the swirling snow quickly covering their tracks.

Iruka was about fifteen minutes into the trek when he paused. "How long will this take, Reikoku?" he called. "I need to meet up with my partner soon."

Reikoku turned towards him. "It's still quite far yet. I suppose you want to turn back?"

Iruka nodded. "I'll meet back with him and then we can all go together, okay?" He turned around and began to move back towards the village, but felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck and the world wavered sharply as he collapsed.

* * *

Kakashi hadn't found anyone in the streets and whenever people answered the door when he knocked they didn't know anything. He sighed and made his way back to the meeting point to wait for Iruka, crouching out of the wind. Five minutes passed. Then ten, then fifteen. By the time half an hour had gone by, Kakashi had stopped thinking that Iruka had found information in the pub and begun to think that he'd gotten drunk instead! He stood, shaking the snow from his shoulders and projected his chakra out, searching for Iruka. He found nothing but an hour-old trail from where he was standing and he followed it to the pub. Entering, he heard someone mutter, "Oh, not _another_ one_._"

"I'll take that to mean that my partner has been here, then," he said pleasantly. "Where is he?"

There was a general sort of muttering, from which Kakashi deduced that Iruka had entered the pub about forty-five minutes ago, drunk a mug of cider and left with another man, who nobody seemed to know.

"Okay," he said. "Did anyone see which way they went?"

Nobody knew. Kakashi sighed. "Okay, fine. I'll just wander until I find him, then," he said under his breath. He went to leave, but felt a tug on his trousers. He looked down to see a tiny girl wrapped in more fur than Kakashi thought possible.

"He wenna that way," she said, pointing to the right. Kakashi stared at her, then crouched down to better talk to her.

"Who did?"

Her large blue eyes blinked sweetly at him. "The pretty man. He went with that other man outside, and he put a mask on. He looked funny with the mask, he was prettier without it."

Kakashi smiled at her and pressed several ryou into her small palm.

"Good girl," he said, and left.

* * *

Iruka's eyes slowly opened. He was lying on a soft bed, someone's arm tucked around his waist. He rolled over and came face to mask with Kakashi, who smiled at him.

"Hello, Iruka. How are you?"

Iruka looked at him oddly. He was pretty sure that Kakashi wasn't usually in his bed, but something was making his mind fuzzy.

"Am I drunk?" he asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

Kakashi laughed pleasantly, shaking his head. "Of course not, Iruka. You're just a little tired from our..fun..last night. Don't you remember?"

And Iruka suddenly remembered, or thought he did. "Ye- yes, I remember," he said, sitting up. Kakashi sat up too, pulling Iruka forward into his lap to press a sweet kiss to his cheek.

"You need to do that paperwork," he reminded. Iruka nodded absently.

"I'll do it now, then."

He got up from the bed and sat down at the desk, sorting through the papers. They looked odd, he realised. Not like the papers he was used to filling in at all… more like questionnaires.

_1: What is the full capacity of Konoha's fighting force?_

_2: What is the exact location of the forbidden scrolls of Konoha, and what would need to be bypassed before one could reach them? _

Iruka stared at the sheets.

"This isn't right," he heard himself say as he turned towards Kakashi, but Kakashi wasn't there any more. Instead, lounging on the bed, was-

"Reikoku!"

The other man got up and stepped towards him, a scowl twisting his handsome features.

"You're tougher than you look, Umino Iruka. But don't worry, I've got a lot more to throw at you.."

Both the room and Reikoku swirled terrifyingly before smashing into a million pieces. Iruka opened his eyes sharply, gasping.

Instead of a bedroom there was a dank cave with seals papering the walls. Reikoku emerged from the shadows.

"Umino Iruka.. I had wondered whether Jun was simply incompetent, but it does seem that you are more resistant than I first thought. You might even be a worthwhile addition to my little troupe.. what do you say? Stop resisting, give me the information I need and join me.. it'll be worth your while, I promise.."

Iruka spat at him. Reikoku wiped it delicately from his face.

"You know, that was a very stupid answer."

"My partner will find me soon, and then you'll be less than dead. I look forward to your bloody demise," said Iruka quietly.

Reikoku smiled at him and his hands once more formed the seal that sent Iruka spiralling into unreality once more.

His captor smiled at his limp body as it hung from the restraints, cruciform. "Your partner, Iruka-kun, will never find us to begin with, not with the seals I've used. But you don't know that, do you?"

* * *

Kakashi searched for footprints as best he could, but the snow had increased - he hadn't even thought that was _possible_ - and there was only a white expanse in front of him. He sighed and tugged a scroll from his flak jacket, summoning his pack.

"Aw, gee, boss. Thanks for summoning us to this lovely snowstorm_,_" growled Pakkun sarcastically. Kakashi glared at him.

"Shut up. I need you to help me find someone. I don't have any of his things, though.. but he's gotta be the only person out here. Pak, you've met him before, I think - Umino Iruka. He's with an unknown, too. Now go! We need to find him as quickly as possible."

The pack immediately spread out, chakra-charged noses snuffling across the snow - or, in Bull's case, underneath it. Suddenly Akino barked, then howled, darting forwards across the snow. Kakashi ran after her, the rest of the pack following after twenty minutes of flat-out running, she suddenly paused and cast about. She sniffed around in a circle, but then sat down.

"This is where their trail ends, boss," she called through the storm. Kakashi stared at her.

"There's nothing _here,_ Akino! How can it just end?" he yelled back. Akino gave him a doggy shrug.

"Dunno, but it does. Should we dig?"

Kakashi sighed. "I suppose so.."

The dogs launched themselves at the snow, powerful legs scraping it away faster than the falling snow could fill in the hole again. After a few minutes they hit the ground. Kakashi stared at it, perturbed. There was no way to go anywhere else. He stretched his chakra out again, but just as it had been as he left the pub, there were areas where no chakra could be found at all.

"Actually, that's weird in itself," he murmured, kneeling. There was usually ambient chakra in everything, down to plants and stone. Kakashi closed his eyes, slowly building an image in his mind of the chakraless areas, ignoring the snow soaking his shoulders, back and knees. He could "see" that the chakra was gone from a long diagonal section that angled downwards from where he was to a large, vaguely globular shape at the end.

"An underground cave," he said in surprise. "That can't be natural, not a construct like that.. but who cares if it's natural."

He stood up and formed several seals.

"Raikiri!"

The lightning smashed into the thick covering and broke through, into the sharply sloping corridor below. Kakashi slid through the hole, telling the dogs to wait for his signal, and tugged his hitai-ate up. Glancing around, he could see the thousands of paper seals that covered the walls. He moved down the corridor silently, eventually reaching the bottom where it opened on to the cave. He could hear Iruka now, low pants for breath breaking the air. Suddenly another voice spoke.

"You may as well give up, Iruka. Your pathetic jounin partner, whoever he is, is never going to find you. You're trapped down here with me, forever, until you tell me what I want to know."

"I'd rather die," Iruka coughed out painfully.

"That is a distinct possibility," said the other man, sounding rather cruelly amused. "But I think I'll play with you a little more before you do, hmm? Let's see how you deal with this.."

Iruka made a tortured noise and the man laughed raucously. Kakashi couldn't stand any more and darted out from the shadows, coming around the corner to see the still-laughing man turn towards him. The man let out a surprised noise and his hand flicked something towards Kakashi, which he dodged. Kakashi sent three kunai flashing towards the man, but the floor writhed and shot upwards, catching the kunai mid-flight. As Kakashi came forward into the light, the man hissed, "Hatake Kakashi.."

Kakashi formed a few seals, blowing a thin burst of flame to distract him, and then put two fingers in his mouth to let out a piercing whistle. He heard the dogs thundering down the corridor and stepped forwards to release Iruka from the bindings, but the floor roiled once again, curling around his feet. He barely managed to shunshin out of the grasping stone, grunting as the wall he appeared next to slammed into him, knocking the breath out of him just as his dogs arrived. He growled in annoyance. Most of his jutsu were suited to a wider battle area - in this close a space, anything he did was likely to hurt Iruka and the dogs too. Not to mention that the ninja he was fighting against was surrounded by the very substance he needed to fight..

He focused his chakra, deciding to fight fire with fire.. or rather, stone with stone. The floor beneath the enemy ninja suddenly vanished, becoming a carpet of sharp spikes, and the other man had to form seals quickly to avoid a messy death. The dogs were working hard to surround him, but they couldn't get close without the floor moving beneath them. Suddenly Bull jumped at the nin, barking loudly, and he swung around towards him. At the same time, Pakkun and Akino jumped at the man's back, managing to fasten their sharp teeth into his neck and shoulder. The man dropped to his knees with a yell, unable to stop them slicing his carotid artery, but the two dogs victory wasn't enough for Bull, who had been caught by two great slabs of stone. Kakashi yelled and jumped forwards, running towards his dog who lay, panting, on the floor. Kakashi went to the big dog's heavy head, stroking it gently.

"You did well, Bull. You can go now." The dog gratefully vanished in a puff of smoke. Kakashi scrambled up from his knees to quickly determine that the enemy ninja wasn't dead yet - he needed him alive to determine the level of the threat towards Konoha - healed him, not bothering to be cosmetic, and then gently freed Iruka from the restraints. The man was limp in his arms and his eyes were unfocused. He twitched slightly as Kakashi laid him down on the floor, and gazed into his eyes with the sharingan. He could tell Iruka was under a serious genjutsu, but it was an unusual one.

_It looks like.. the genjutsu isn't controlled by the caster, no more than the bare minimum.. as though the person the genjutsu is cast on provides the actual images for the genjutsu by themselves.. _

It was both fascinating and horrible, and it must have been very effective. Kakashi eventually managed to undo it with the sharingan, and as he did Iruka shuddered in his arms.

"Hey," Kakashi said gently as Iruka's eyes focused. Iruka's eyes closed and he flinched away from Kakashi with a low moan.

"Wait - Iruka, what's the matter?" asked Kakashi, confused. "Aren't you pleased to see me?"

Iruka's eyes opened, but he glared at Kakashi.

"Don't be stupid, Reikoku. Do you really think I'm going to fall for this after the millionth time of you trying it? Honestly, you're pathetic. I'm not going to give you any information. Just get it over with and kill me."

Kakashi lifted Iruka onto his shoulders, ignoring his protests.

"I suppose you must have seen me in the genjutsu a lot," he mused. "In any other circumstance I'd be flattered that you were thinking of me, but this time it's just creepy." He carried Iruka back up the corridor, the dogs walking ahead, pushing him out into the snow after them. Iruka shivered, the wind cutting into him. His winter cloak was gone, as was his flak jacket, and Kakashi hadn't seen them in the cave. He scrambled out of the cave and pulled off his cloak, wrapping it around Iruka to shield him from as much of the snow and wind as he could. His tracks from the village were gone and he realised that he'd never make it back to the village alive while the snowstorm was still raging if he had to carry Iruka, never mind if he had to go back to get their enemy - apparently called Reikoku - as well.

"Back down into the rabbit-hole, then," he muttered, lowering Iruka into the corridor again and following him down. He dismissed the dogs after praising them for their diligence, watching as they all puffed into smoke.

He made a fire as best he could from the scant materials in the cave and pulled Iruka's still-limp body closer to it, stroking his damp hair back from his face. Kakashi felt oddly chilled, shivering even though he was close to the fire. He felt sleepy, too, now that his adrenaline was gone, and he lay down beside Iruka, curling their bodies close to conserve heat, and fell asleep.

* * *

Iruka's eyes slowly opened. He was lying on the hard ground, someone's arm tucked around his waist. He rolled over and came face to mask with Kakashi, who was shivering violently. He sat up, staring around.

_I don't think that this is another genjuts_u, he thought. _For one thing, it's too real. For another, I feel like I can actually _think_ now.. _

He shook Kakashi's shoulder gently, then more roughly when he didn't respond.

"Kakashi? Kakashi!"

Kakashi's skin was paler than usual and as cold as ice. Iruka tugged him as close to the waning fire as he dared and blew on the flames, trying to coax them to life. He searched the room, finding a small stool in a corner and some papers. He hesitated before burning them, but realised they were only lists of questions that he'd tried to ask Iruka. He balled them up and tossed them on the fire on by one, building it up slowly with the wood from the stool. Kakashi was still shivering and as Iruka bent down to look at him again he realised that his clothes were soaked through. He stripped him efficiently, down to his boxers, wringing out the clothes in a corner and lying them out flat on the floor to dry.

Kakashi had his pack with him, tossed off to one side, and Iruka dug through it to find something to cover him in. He pulled out a blanket from the bottom and laid it across the prone man, pulling him close and holding him tight to his own body, feeling the chill from Kakashi soak through his thin t-shirt. He leaned backwards, pulled a book from Kakashi's bag and began to read.

About forty-five minutes later, Kakashi seemed a little warmer, but not much. His eyes flickered open, but he seemed unable to focus for long.

"Kakashi? How do you feel?" asked Iruka, concerned.

"M'too hot," he grunted pushing at the blanket.

"Don't, Kakashi, that has to stay on. You have hypothermia, you only feel too hot because your body is so cold! Don't push it away, please," Iruka pled. "Kakashi, please! You'll get sicker if you don't keep the blanket on."

Kakashi stopped struggling and gazed up at Iruka. "Okay, I'll stop," he said quietly. "But only cause you asked me. I… I like you quite a lot, Iruka.."

Iruka stared at him. "What?"

"Liked you for a while," said Kakashi in a sleepy sort of way. "Since that night you took me to the hospital. You were nice to me then, made sure I didn't die." He paused. "Then you were mad at me for the exams, but I didn't mean to make you angry, Iruka. I knew they were ready, they'd improved a lot, but you didn't know… I should have told you I was putting them in before the nominations came. I'm sorry."

Iruka shook his head. "It's okay, Kakashi, you were right to put them in. I overreacted. It's not your fault," he soothed.

"You were so amazing then, Iruka. You seemed like you were so mad, I didn't know how you could get so angry about some kids! You made me interested.. more than I was, I mean. And then you just acted like I wasn't there, Iruka.. I wanted you to notice me _so badly.._"

Iruka shivered at the longing in Kakashi's voice. "Is that why you played those jokes on me?" he asked. "So that I would notice you?"

Kakashi nodded. "Then this mission came, and I realised why I wanted you to notice me. You know, you're very, very, _very _sexy, sensei? Sexy like a.. sexy thing."

Kakashi was rambling now, eyes totally unfocused and voice slurring slightly. Iruka bit his lip, worried. Kakashi was still in the moderate stages of hypothermia, he was talking nonsense.. He lay down so that his full body length pressed against Kakashi's, making the other man make an annoyed noise.

"Too _hot,_ Iruka!"

"Sorry," said Iruka absently, pulling one of Kakashi's arms over his body. He threw one leg over Kakashi's body, tucking his head into the curve between Iruka's head and shoulder. Kakashi stopped complaining, pressing his face into Iruka's neck, his breath - still a little cooler than it should have been - washing over him. Iruka wrapped his arms around Kakashi, feeling himself begin to drift off, too.

* * *

Kakashi woke up feeling like they'd had a mission in Sand, not Snow. His back felt stiff and sore and his whole body was far too hot. There was something tickling his nose through the mask, too..

He sat up and pulled the mask down, sneezing explosively. A voice behind him commented in an amused tone, "I wondered what you did when you needed to sneeze."

He tugged the mask back up and turned to see that Iruka was lying next to him. Then he looked down to see that he was very nearly naked. He wondered if he was blushing.. his face was hot already, so it was difficult for him to tell. Iruka got up and stretched, wincing as his back cracked.

"Ow. I hate sleeping on stone," he muttered. Kakashi looked around for his clothes.

"Over there," pointed Iruka. Kakashi tugged them on.

"Why is it that just about all the clothes I have put on on this mission have been damp?" he said to himself irritably and turned to Iruka, who was putting the blanket and book back into the pack. Suddenly there was a groan from behind him and Reikoku stirred weakly. Kakashi kicked him and the movement stopped abruptly.

Iruka stared at him. "From the amount of blood there, I thought you'd killed him," he commented.

"Nah," said Kakashi. "Needed him alive to find out what nasty little surprises he's got planned for Konoha. Also to find out where your pack is."

Kakashi shouldered him after making doubly sure that he was relieved of any weaponry - he was - and tying him up thoroughly.

The journey back to the village was quicker than either of them expected. The snow was thick, but there was none falling, so the village was in clear sight a few miles away. The villagers were out and about when they arrived there and they caused a ripple of interest. Iruka asked if there was any kind of jail in the village but the nearest such facility was in the port-town that the ship had pulled into the day before.

"Can you believe we've only been here less than a day?" asked Iruka as they prepared to make the run back to the port. "I feel like we've been here forever."

"And the quicker we get home, the better," said Kakashi. "I'm looking forward to sleeping in a real bed, not a stone floor."

Iruka nodded in fervent agreement.

They arrived in the port after half a day's run. Luckily, Reikoku had dumped Iruka's pack and flak jacket inside the village, so he'd gotten it back without much trouble, which meant they didn't have to buy another ticket. They smuggled Reikoku on without much trouble and as Iruka collapsed onto his bed, he wondered how much a missing-nin of his standard was worth. Something tickled at the back of his mind as his thoughts wandered to how the school and missions desk was doing, however, and he froze.

* * *

Kakashi turned at the frantic knocking at his door and fastened the last knot.

"Don't you be going anywhere, now," he warned the nin, and strolled over to his door.

"Yes? What's wrong?" he asked. Iruka stormed inside.

"THAT LITTLE RAT IS WHAT'S WRONG," he fumed. "You know, I wondered how someone got us into that set-up mission. Usually there are all kinds of checks and things, but this one got right on through. You know how?"

Kakashi shook his head, bemused. "Luck?"

"GOROU JUN!" declared Iruka. Kakashi was still confused.

"That stupid boy that works beside me on the missions desk, who always files things in the wrong place!" Iruka explained.

"The blond?" asked Kakashi.

"Yes! That Gorou Jun. He-" here Iruka pointed at the bound and gagged missing-nin, "-mentioned him! It was Jun who got the scroll approved, and me sent on it!"

"But why would this guy want you?" Kakashi asked. "No offence meant, I mean, but you're not the most prominent member of the village."

Iruka rolled his eyes. "I worked with the Sandaime on lots of things, so I have a high security clearance. I know lots of things that most other ninja don't," he said. "Jun knew that. I wonder how long he's been passing information to this creep?"

Kakashi shrugged. "It's not our job to find out. That lovely task falls to Ibiki. I don't envy you, by the way," he added, talking to Reikoku, who growled past the gag.

"That's not very nice," said Iruka.

"No," agreed Kakashi, and he flicked two fingers into a pressure point on Reiroku's neck. He went limp.

"So," said Kakashi. "Was it worthwhile?"

Iruka seemed confused for a moment, then realised what Kakashi was referring to.

"Well, we have captured a missing-nin," he said. "And I've found out a spy in my missions desk. But I didn't get to rescue any children. So, yeah, it's been worthwhile, but not in the way I expected."

Kakashi grinned and sat down on his bed. "I still have your book," he said, handing it to him. Iruka seemed distracted, however.

"Kakashi.. did you mean it? The stuff you said to me in the cave."

Kakashi looked piercingly at Iruka. "What… stuff? When was this?"

Suddenly, Iruka looked very disappointed. "Oh, if you don't remember then it's okay," he said. "You were rambling, just stupid stuff about meeting me and the chuunin exam. It didn't mean anything. I'll go now -" He stood moving towards the door, but Kakashi stood up, caught him by the arm and pulled him back.

"What did I say, Iruka?" he said. Iruka scratched his scar and said something under his breath.

"Iruka!"

"You said you liked me, okay? You said you thought I was good-looking, that you'd liked me for ages and you hung around me because you wanted to talk to me, alright?" Iruka said, trying to pull away from Kakashi's solid grip.

"And.. what did you think of that, Iruka?" asked Kakashi hopefully.

"I.. I hoped it was true," muttered Iruka. "Let me go- hey!"

Kakashi pulled Iruka closer so that he was pressed against Kakashi.

"And what would you do if it was true, Iruka?"

"I'd.. ah.."

Kakashi kissed him, his free hand pulling down his mask. Iruka made a quiet noise and Kakashi let him go, choosing instead wrapping both arms around his waist. Iruka slid his hands into Kakashi's hair and parted his lips, allowing Kakashi free reign.

They tumbled backwards onto the bed, ignoring the semi-comatose body of the missing nin on the chair and didn't come out of the room again until the ship came into Konoha harbour.

_----------------Epilogue-----------------_

"You're filing for what?" asked Tsunade in surprise.

"A joint mortgage," said Iruka. "We've moved house to live together and we thought it would be best."

Kakashi just turned another page in his book - the cover said Icha Icha Tactics, but the book inside was about a young wizard fighting snakey evil. Kakashi enjoyed the parallels.

"You.. live together?" said Tsunade. "Since when have you guys even been interested in each other?"

Iruka rolled his eyes.

"That's difficult to determine. Kakashi was interested way before he even knew he was interested, and it took a novel for me to even realise I thought he was good looking. If you want the whole story, it'll take awhile to tell."

Tsunade settled in her chair. "I'm waiting," she said.

Iruka took a deep breath and began.

_-----------------Omake 1----------------_

Kakashi crouched atop the pole.

"Hello, children! Ready to learn?"

"Sensei! You're late again! I'd have thought now that you live with Iruka-sensei, at least one of his good habits would have rubbed off on you."

"He's late to draw attention away from his small penis," said Sai.

_-----------------Omake 2----------------_

Iruka handed the set of scrolls to his new assistant, who was also coincidentally his new classroom assistant, thanks to how well he'd handled the class when Iruka had been away.

"Can you file those for me, please?"

"Troublesome," muttered Shikamaru.

* * *

Please do feel free to point out any mistakes in my grammar, spelling, plot continuity...etc.


End file.
